Sira ka Talaga! :)

anokaya

Ba't siya, nakita niya lang yung music video ng ex ko, pwede na siya mag-selos.

Kung ako ba, mag-selos sa kasama niya sa Friendster pic niya, over-stepping my boundaries na?

I HATE GREY AREAS.

anokaya

And so is boredom. 

That's what I re-learned today, after talking to a long-lost friend.

My bouts of sadness, loneliness due to boredom are all in my head. I can always choose to do something new--except I don't. Not most of the time, anyway. I keep on relying on what has brought me joy in the past--i.e. talking to a certain someone, or possibly playing lazer tag when my schedule permits. Such that when these avenues aren't available to me, I feel lost.

But no more. Happiness is a choice, and I must choose it! Tulad today, I talked to so many new people just because *he* wasn't making his presence felt. Hmph. At first, I did it reluctantly, you know, just to pass the time. But by day's end, I'm actually quite happy about the entire exercise!

Anyway, we'll see if the lesson sticks. Now to talk to long lost friend + a best friend that has been devoured by law school... :D

anokaya

Kaya to! Stick to your guns ate! :p

anokaya

Yes, I am happy that the Democrats won. I never did get the logic of the Republican party--much less the appeal of their candidates (uh, Dubya, Palin, etc).

BUT... while I'm happy for Obama's win...

I am sad because of Michelle Obama's dress on election night--a horrendous black and red number that did not look classy at all!

And I am pissed that people in fashion seem to have been brainwashed into thinking that it's a "bold choice that paid off", asking people to make way for a "true style icon". Oh come on!! Open your eyes! IT IS HORRENDOUS.

I'd post a picture, except I don't want to see it every time I look at my back entries, lol. So for those who are curious:

http://omg.yahoo.com/blogs/a-line/michelle-obamas-election-night-dress/84

yeech. 

anokaya

"I've waited 25 years for this chance... so a day, a week, a month or 10 months... it's all trivial." 

For the first time in years, I am not the one waiting. 

That, and isn't that just a killer line? Lol. I like dating guys who are great writers--at times they can say the sweetest things that can make you feel like you're the star of a romance novel. Hehehe. It helps that I feel this guy is sincere too. Let's hope!

anokaya

http://www.webcomicsnation.com/daveroman/engaged/series.php?view=archive&chapter=2085#strip2

anokaya

Today was the birthday of a guy I was really hung up on. And I forgot to greet him until mid-day. And when he didn't reply to my text greeting, I could easily shrug it off as "his loss." 

Also today, I come home to the sight of my ex with a sweet status message pertaining to falling in love all over again, etc. Of course, this is just several months after we've stopped seeing each other. Usually it would sting, or would at least arouse my interest enough that I would check his friendster account to see if there was any clues about who this girl was.

But I'm too lazy to do so. I'd have to log-on to friendster pa, and then look for his FS name (because he doesn't use his *real* name, he uses some anime character's name... exactly which one, I already forgot)... and then I'd have to snoop pa re: the girl and my reaction inside is "meh. I don't really care who she is."

I guess all I'm saying is--I've moved on. For sure. And it feels good. 

I've come to terms with the idea that we may never be the good friends that we were before. Or that we may no longer be friends at all. Sad, but meh. I tried. It's their loss. *shrug*

In the meantime, I have my own life to tend to. So while I wish them all the best with theirs, and I will occasionally be curious about what they are up to, they're just no longer that important to me. 

I'll treasure the memories though. And I'll remain open to the possibility that in the future, we can still create new memories--as friends, most likely--but I will no longer hold on to hope. I'll let fate decide. 

So this is how moving on feels like. One day, you wake up, and you realize--you just have..

anokaya

I loved my job. Or at least, I used to. Now I'm not so sure. I don't know if it's the stress/pressure that's getting to me, or it's the general low morale fostered by the worsening economic situation--but I'm no longer as happy and enthusiastic as I used to be.

So I've been thinking about possible career options. I can stick this out until December (which is when most of my clients will be coming in for a visit anyway) and hopefully something would have changed by then... or ask my boss if I can be an associate instead of a full-time employee, which would free me up to explore other work options (but would possibly lead me to losing clients that came from the company, etc etc). 

I am ashamed though, because recently I haven't had the mental strength to go to work. I've been absent for approximately 5 straight shift-days now, and mostly because of the confusion in my head as to what I'm supposed to do. It doesn't help that I also have a flu right now, so even if I *did* want to go to work, my body won't let me.

I'm asking for a sign from God as to which path I should take. If I get another reservation soon, then that must mean I should at least stay until December. If not, then... I should move on to greener pastures. Eeyikes.

But I think if I would change careers, I would give the marketing - events route a try naman. There's this really cool interesting job for an events company that I want to try and apply for, only all this dilly-dallying with whether or not to soldier on or to move on prevents me from doing so. 

Indecision. Ugh. But what if decisiveness leads to a hasty and poorly-made choice? Nyarr.

anokaya

&q

Today... 

I ate an OBAMA CUPCAKE. 

I met 3 new friends, namely:

* Brian, the book-loving customer service rep at fully booked, who acquired a British accent from his Chinese grandfather. 

* Alfred, a fellow bulakenyo and the marketing manager of Brazil! Brazil! who also moonlights as a scriptwriter for a morning show and doesn't look a day older than 27 (even though he graduated Ateneo in 1989).

* and Kenneth--a full-time volunteer for World Vision who was nice enough to let me peek at the closed Lego display on Boni High Street. :p She's a girl, by the way, and I have plans of helping her out with getting World Vision sponsors sometime soon.

I also passed by Simon, former DLSU SC Chair--and I was surprised when he stopped me to say hi. I knew him, but I didn't know he knew me. Lol. That was a pleasant surprise.

I window-shopped at Market! Market! (found two gorgeous tops that I must come back for, hehe) and dropped by Lazer Xtreme to be greeted by a huge Christmas tree. Again, EJ promised he'd cook for me come Monday, so that's a plus. :D

Then, my good friend Victor treated me to a dinner at Brazil! Brazil! where I overdosed on meat, meat and more meat. (Thanks again dear!)

The trip to Fully Booked was cool too, of course. And oh, School for Scoundrels was hilarious...

Of course, I didn't arrange above-mentioned events in chronological order. More of a top-of-mind thing... but still! TODAY WAS AWESOME.

And to top it all off, I open my YM and lo-and-behold, yet another reason to be happy. A fun youtube video care of improveverywhere! I <3. I am of course proud to have participated in at least one mission here in the Philippines (hopefully I will join again in the future). So here goes:

<object width="425" height="344"><param name= uot;movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/dkYZ6rbPU2M&hl=en&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/dkYZ6rbPU2M&hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>

Share the love everyone!! And let's all take the MENSA test on November 30! Haha. Fun, fun, fun!

anokaya

Okay, so BPI-boy starts miss-calling me after a long time of no texts, no calls. The last time he did this, I ignored it-- but since for all intents and purposes I am over him, I decide to miss-call him back. 

He miss-calls me again, and I miss-call him back, and so on and so forth until he finally texts and says "nangungulit lang. It's been awhile since nangulit ako eh, hehe."

To which my reply was "Napansin ko nga. :p" -- intended to be icy yet err, friendly at the same time. There's no harm in being friends, especially since we did click when we got the chance to talk or hang-out. 

Anyway, we got to asking how-are-yous, and he tells me he's been so busy lately: "Andaming inaasikaso. Naaalala nalang kita kapag napapadaan akong Ayala Tri."

The nalang irked me, hence the title of my post. I replied with "Ouch, sakit nun ah. Hmph." hehe. He claims it was a typo (it should've been "nga" instead of nalang) but I think it was a freudian slip. I told him as much, and he replies that I'm using debate jargon on him again! Sus.

Well... it's nice to be back to friendly banter with him. I don't know if we'll ever be as close as we were before (we used to talk to each other on the phone on a nightly basis, before it fizzled out unexpectedly), but I am at least happy that the friendship part isn't dead.

I guess that makes my post-title irrelevant now, since I started writing this when he texted me the "nalang" comment. Lol. But he always manages to use his charm to get out of these gaffes. It would have been problematic had I still been dating him (because I'd always be disappointed), but I'm no longer doing so. So okay lang.

Ahhh catharsis. Now back to Project Runway.

anokaya

"Sometimes fate is like a small sandstorm that keeps changing direction. You change direction, but the sandstorm chases you. You turn again but the storm adjusts. Over and over you play this out, like some ominous dance with death just before dawn. Why? Because this storm isn't something that blew in from far away, something that has nothing to do with you. This storm is you. Something inside you. So all you can do is give in to it, step right inside the storm, closing your eyes and plugging up your ears so the sand doesn't get in, and walk through it, step by step. There's no sun there, no moon, no direction, no sense of time. Just fine white sand swirling up into the sky like pulverised bones. That's the kind of sandstorm you need to imagine.

And you really will have to make it through that violent, metaphysical, symbolic storm. No matter how metaphysical or symbolic it might be, make no mistake about it: it will cut through flesh like a thousand razor blades. People will bleed there, and you will bleed too. Hot, red blood. You'll catch that blood in your hands, your own blood and the blood of others.

And once the storm is over you won't remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won't even be sure, in fact, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm you won't be the same person who walked in. That's what this storm's all about. 
--Haruki Murakami, Kafka on the Shore.

anokaya

Sometimes I envy my peers. I know quite a few people my age who are achieving A LOT, A LOT and they seem to know exactly what they want and how to get it.

I have an acquaintance studying in Harvard Business School, friends seemingly living the life in Singapore, a former ukay-buddy now turned global jetsetter and academician extraordinaire.

And it's not so much what they have achieved as having the clarity of mind and the guts to go after what they want. I'm sure their path in life has been peppered with challenges and uncertainties as well, but they still trudged on. I, on the other hand, am floundering in limbo and is miserable in the process.

Sureeee, I am cheerful and happy. And God knows, I live a very colorful life--at least, more colorful than the average. But sometimes, there's this little voice in me that tells me: it's not enough. Something's missing. Just what, I do not know...

And maybe I should just jump. Take a leap of faith. Do something extremely uncharacteristic of me. Take a 9-to-5 structured, corporate job and see where it leads. Apply for work abroad and leave all my safety-nets behind. Maybe I should, just to test my character.

But I'm too scared, and I'm wondering if it's too much, too soon. Which leads me back to a cycle of anxiety and indecisiveness.

With a whole world of choices ahead of me, shouldn't I feel blessed? How come I feel so scared? Of mistakes, failure, regret. 

Never has the word opportunity cost meant so much. Currently, it is the specter that haunts my waking life. *brrr*

------

Onto some good news, I absolutely loved Toastmasters last night. I am happy I joined. Thanks guys!