Sira ka Talaga! :)

anokaya

So, same guy from my first kilig post. We're going out later for dinner *kiliiig* hahaha. Oh God, I am so pathetic.

I don't even know if we're dating. I mean--can we be dating if tomorrow is later is only the 4th time I'll be seeing him, after a month of knowing each other? 

We do keep in touch throughout the day though. He messages/miss-calls me when he wakes up, during lunch time and when he gets home. We also exchange kwentos over the phone about our mundane and not-so-mundane days. And he did mention, over text (and while under the influence of alcohol, shucks), that he's starting to like me. To which I failed to respond--because I don't even know how to interpret "starting to like me". Buti sana if he said "he likes me". Haha. There's a big difference between the two. :p

So while I'm enjoying the kilig phase, I'm also on wait-and-see mode. I don't want to get too attached just yet-- in fact, I think it helps that he lives so far away so I don't get tempted to drop by and see him whenever I get the chance. It forces me to disperse my energy to other things that are presumably more important: like work, for instance. Or debate. Because debate is love. 

I am seriously excited for later though. Will play it by ear. Malay mo he's starting to like me in a friendly way lang pala--in which case I'd have to re-adjust my level of giddiness and/or maybe get rid of it completely. Dear me, I sound hilariously pathetic. :p Hopefully all goes well later...yippee!  

anokaya

A quote from Ralph Roughton--seems to make sense. Guys out there, you might benefit from this. Hehe:

"When I ask you to listen to me and you start giving advice, you have not done what I asked.

When I ask you to listen to me and you begin to tell me why I shouldn't feel that way, you are trampling on my feelings.

When I ask you to listen to me and you feel you have to do something to solve my problem, you have failed me, strange as that may seem. Listen! All I asked was that you listen, not talk or do - just hear me. 

Perhaps that's why prayer works, sometimes, for some people -- because God is mute and he/she doesn't give advice or try to fix things. Sometimes it feels like someone is there to just listen and let you work it out for yourself."

anokaya

He called me to ask if we can move our meet-up to tomorrow evening. He has to finish something for work raw later, and while he can still meet up with me, he won't be able to stay long, as opposed to if we meet tomorrow instead.

I have mixed emotions, which I didn't try to hide from him naman. I appreciate that he now knows I get extremely annoyed when plans get changed, which was why he was apologetic awhile ago. I also appreciate that at least he gave me an alternative, which is tomorrow, after his meeting ends at 7 p.m. 

But I am still irked. Lol.  

We'll see.

I can always finish my shift tonight and/or attend debate training at around 6 p.m. That was what I was originally hoping for anyway, and I wanted to move our meet-up sana to Thursday or Friday. So it all works out well pa rin naman.

Yun lang, I don't want to be a push-over. 

I don't want to be "too nice" again. Now to find the delicate balance between standing up for myself while still being reasonable. Hehe. Arghhh!

anokaya

I hate playing hard to get--to me it reeks of manipulation and deception, and it ends up being hard work for both parties (pursuit for the guy, strategizing for the girl). Mind you, that doesn't mean I'm "easy". I just prefer being up-front about my feelings (whether I like you or not) when asked.

So out of boredom, I searched for men's opinion on the "playing hard to get" game. Below is a really good defense of why women should not play hard to get:

"i don't disagree that some men love the hunt.. the problem being that once they have caught the prey they lose interest and are on to the next conquest.. so unless you enjoy that game as well maybe best not to try starting a relationship with the idea that 'men love the hunt'.

Then again, maybe it's the definition of "playing hard to get" that women are struggling with. Here's another post by a guy that might make more sense:

"The effect you want to go for, is that you're interested without being easy. In other words, you do like him, but you're not the type to just throw yourself at a man, no matter how awesome he is. Because that would indicate shaky confidence and insecurity. Men want to feel like their woman could have any guy she wants, but chooses him."

Wala lang, insightful, I guess. 

anokaya

Why can't I stop myself from being too attached?

Why do I always have to get the great guy with commitment issues?

It is driving me insane! What did I do to deserve thiiiiis?

anokaya

So today, I was extremely frustrated to the point of tears. Arghhhh. And then I decided to snap out of it.

Who cares what his deal is? My energy is best channeled elsewhere. 

Hence, I am currently studying Italian on-line. And for today, I've learned Italian pronunciation, and even a (useless) phrase or two!

I.e. in a hypothetical scenario where I am in Italy and I will suddenly need a brochure, I can say:

"Mi scusi, vorrei un depliant por favore?" (Translation: Excuse me, may I have one brochure please?)

This is of course gleaned from youtube, so I don't know whether or not it's accurate. But the guy *did have* a heavy Italian accent. Lol.

I also found out that we share a lot of common words with them. Libro for example, as well as male (pronounced mah-leh, a slight variation of the tagalog mali, which means bad). Sedia means chair, which is close to silya. Et al.

I hope I don't drop this--that I push through with it, I mean. It would be really nice to learn how to speak Italian--crystallizes my goal of setting foot in lovely Tuscany even more. 

For now, I am entertaining another boy, whom I initially was not interested in, but is persistent in pursuing me. While I am not leading him on (I did tell him I am sorta-seeing someone already), I at least am messaging him back na.

As for the guy I really like, known to my friends as BPI boy--well, I *temporarily* deleted his number from my phone. Just so I don't get tempted to text/miscall him, etc. I'm just tired of getting disappointed/frustrated! Arghh! 

Que Sera, Sera, Whatever will be, will be... Just have to wait and see where life takes me.