Entries for July, 2006

July 14th, 2006

Figuring Out what I want


anokaya
It's tricky, self-honesty. You might think you're being honest, but in reality, it can just be another one of your defense mechanisms at work. Then again, maybe you're just rationalizing going against what you really, truly want----because what you want is illogical, irrational and possibly, regrettable.
 
Am I making sense?
 
What I *think* I really want right now? Is pure, unadulterated bumness. 
 
Since that's not entirely possible, the only thing I currently want to worry about...is my academics. Which are going great, by the way. 
 
I want to enjoy my last year in college. Spend it hanging out with friends. Maybe do some volunteer work. Make mistakes. Invest. Or something equally dull and uninspiring.
 
But I have responsibilities. commitment. a promise to fulfill. I don't want to disappoint. 
 
Quite frankly though, I don't think, at this moment, that I am still having fun. Sometimes, I already see it as a chore. And this time, there's no longer anyone to inspire me. 
 
Maybe this is just temporary depression. Having been depressed before though, I can attest that it doesn't feel this way (unless it's a new strand). Hopefully it's just a mood swing. Or maybe a bout of burn-out. 
 
I promised myself I'll give it a trial of two weeks. If in two weeks, I still think and feel this way... I'll check what options I have. asdkfjglskdhglskdjfgh. I hope I last two weeks. Just thinking about it gives me mixed emotions.
 
 
 
Posted by anokaya at 05:12 AM | 3 boinkz!

July 15th, 2006

My new superficial crush


anokaya
ANDERSON COOPER (alas, having trouble posting his pic) rocks. He goes where the action is, regardless of the threat to his life. He's cute too. Courageous. And yes, I know he's old. But he's boyish old. Silver hair agrees with him. Yes oh yes now I have a reason to tune in to CNN everyday. :p
 
Much as I like Anderson Cooper, I hate Israel. Maybe I'll explain this later but yeah. They're creating their own trouble. They act like the victim but most of the time they are the oppressor. Makes you feel sympathetic towards Hamas and Hezbollah sometimes (although I still hate the fact that they usually target civilians. but Israel does that too).
 
alskdjflskjdfgh. The world is going crazy. Add NoKor, Iran and other problem areas to the list and we're reaaally in trouble.
Posted by anokaya at 02:07 AM | 7 boinkz!

July 17th, 2006

Silliness at its height


anokaya
Because I was a consistent dean's lister for the SY 2005-2006, I have the privilege of being invited to the 18th De La Salle University Academic Recognition Day. Yey. While I honestly don't know what goes on there, whether or not we even receive certificates or free food, I'm quite excited and proud to have my name on that list. I feel like I'm in grade school once again (we used to have ceremonies like this every quarter. I usually got the Deportment Award for good conduct, but that never stopped me from wanting the Academic Awards, hehe). Giddy. Maybe I'm not such a bad student after all...  
 
=====
 
...after much thought and consideration, I've decided I'm still a bad student. I've barely retained 50% of what I've studied last year. That and I've never been really fond of studying. Nor attending my classes. Gah. Just another fluke.
 
=====
 
Thinking out loud: 
Can it be that no matter how many awards you receive you'll always feel undeserving? Is it low self-esteem or just human nature? Hmm. Blech.
Posted by anokaya at 05:51 AM | 2 boinkz!

Pretty Pissed (well, not really :p)


anokaya
Blargh.
 
Since I'm mostly a bum three days a week, I figured I'd go online and search for home-based jobs. On a whim, I sent a resume to one of them and received an e-mail in less than an hour. Attached was a test, which I was supposed to complete and pass within 24 hours. And I did. Within 5 hours. I think I did pretty well, too. It was a no-brainer. Just a lot of frustrating work.
 
I pass it with the message "I hope you found my work satisfactory. It was a bit more difficult than I thought it was going to be, but I did my best"--I thought it sounded nice and humble. Estelle-like (or not). 
 
It backfired. Again, guy replies in less than an hour: "If you found this too difficult, then maybe this isn't your cup of tea. Thanks for applying"
 
WTF. I never said it was too difficult (because it's not). He misinterpreted what I said!
 
Of course, it would be "bad faith" if I blame this one on fate. So I have no one else to blame but myself for thinking that that was a nice line to add on to the e-mail. :p 
 
I am now torn between answering his e-mail and completely ignoring it. I'll decide in my sleep. For the meantime, I can be comforted by the fact that (a) he doesn't seem like a really nice boss, (b) the job is pretty brainless, yet at the same time bad for the back and pretty frustrating, (c) i don't even know if the pay is good. It was something I could do while I was online and just bumming at home though. Bummer. Hee.
 
Now, onto more productive things--like sleep.  
 
============
 
Absolutely loved "the break-up". Yes, pretty dry in the beginning, but the dialogues just ring true. I could've said some of those lines! And so could my friends. Wahaha...oops. I think the joke's on us. Because I don't think that's a particularly good thing. :p  
Posted by anokaya at 03:45 PM | 4 boinkz!

July 26th, 2006

Fashion-Experimentation


anokaya
Today, I'm going to dye my hair. At home. With Orange-Reddish-Brown, out of the box. Hehehe.
 
I am still negotiating with myself as to whether or not I'll chop my own locks off as well. But right now I'm siding with the negative--I've never been good with scissors.
 
Countdown to disaster...
 
If I end up looking like a cartoon character gone bad, there's always the salon. No one will ever have to know. Hehehe.
  
Wish me luck!
 
+++
 
AFTER THE SONA 
 
Win-loss on stocks. My PCOR's up to 4.25 (yey), while URC is down at 18.75. I'll probably buy more of URC if it keeps on going down though. I have faith in the company. They came up with C2 and Yakisoba for crying out loud. God knows how much I love their products. :p 
Currently feeling: excited!
Posted by anokaya at 02:41 AM | 2 boinkz!

July 28th, 2006

Mga Palusot


anokaya
Palusot sa pagiging mataba, c/o Garfield:
 
"We all get heavier as we get older because there are a lot more info in our heads. So I'm not FAT! I'm just really intelligent & my head couldn't hold it anymore so it started filling up the rest of me. That's my story and I'm sticking to it!" 
 
Palusot sa pag-patay ng isda, an anonymous quote lifted from Amy Tan's Saving Fish From Drowning:
 
A pious man explained to his followers: "It is evil to take lives and noble to save them. Each day I pledge to save a hundred lives. I drop my net in the lake and scoop out a hundred fishes. I place the fishes on the bank, where they flop and twirl. "Don't be scared," I tell those fishes. "I am saving you from drowning." Soon enough, the fishes grow calm and lie still. Yet, sad to say, I am always too late. The fishes expire. And because it is evil to waste anything, I take those dead fishes to market and I sell them for a good price. With the money I receive, I buy more nets so I can save more fishes.
 
 
+=+=+=
 
Ang mga palusot ay nakakatuwa kung sinasadya at paminsan-minsan lamang. Ngunit delikado ito kapag nakasagawian.  
 
+=+=+=
 
Isa sa mga paborito kong palusot? (at alam kong hindi ako nag-iisa)--Tadhana. 
 
Hanggang ngayon hindi ko alam kung naniniwala talaga ako dito, o nangangarap lang na sana ito'y totoo.
 
+=+=+=
 
...ang hirap mag-sulat kapag tagalog. Paumanhin kung maraming mali sa grammar (taglish na!), matagal ng walang praktis. Hehehe. Yehey. 
 
+=+=+=
 
Off to coffee with Jojo. Catching up with old friends is fun. Too bad I'll have to say no to Rachelle's invite to the play though. I would've loved to watch, especially with the promise of bonding with debaters after. But I doubt Katipunan to CCP would be an easy ride on a Friday night. And I don't want to rush my bonding session with Jewjew, especially since it's been months since we've last seen each other. Trade-offs are a b*tch. :p
Currently listening to: Zayra's rendition of "Not an Addict" by K's Choice
Currently reading: Saving Fish from Drowning by Amy Tan
Currently feeling: blah
Posted by anokaya at 07:50 AM | 2 boinkz!
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