Sira ka Talaga! :)

anokaya

a guy who told me i looked pregnant in the past was all compliments awhile ago.

either i lost weight since we last saw each other, or he's finally learned to apply the principles of social courtesy.

hopefully, his change of attitude was due to both. after all, even if men like him are scum, losing weight is still a big positive (assuming i did lose enough to make it noticeable). *crosses-fingers* i'd hate all my efforts to go to waste.

=+=+=+=+=

stress, stress, stress. i thought my hell week was over, but after the exams come the deluge of group reports and projects. oh Lordy, Lordy. add to that GK is this weekend. -_-. Two saturdays down the drain.

i'm both loving and hating this period of introspection. upon closer look, my life's not as great as I thought it was. I want more.

I sound evil. I'll quit while I'm ahead.  

anokaya

i should be in school.

but obviously i'm not.

even if i promised i'd be a better student.

the great news is, i got 99/100 in one of my midterm exams. :D

now to even up the score and spread the love (?).

shit, i am so lazy -_-`

i wonder what will happen to me when i graduate?

...will i graduate?!

*attacks of paranoia and self-loathing*

gahhh!

 =+=+=+=+=

 steven has ESP(N). he knew, even before this post, that I was skipping class. *gasp* i really should get better at hiding these things.

+-+-+-+-

i'm too lazy to try and make sense. bye! 

anokaya

f---. i can't log on to pex. there's no one decent to chat with on mIRC. and my YM buddies are M.I.A.

-_-` *sigh*

my pathetic existence.

+=+=+=+

i'm crushless no more! ...although crush seems like too strong a word.

the word "intrigued" is more appropriate.

i was hoping he'd be online tonight, but...

oh well. fate. predestined. everything happens for a reason.

be patient, estelle.

lest someone be confused: no steven, i'm not talking about you. 

+=+=+=+

asd;lkfjas;kdjfgh. i want to go ukay again. :| should I? maybe tomorrow. *excited* i really should get some rest. -_-`. lack of sleep is what's making me feel miserable *i hope* 

+=+=+=+

LITTLE WONDERLAND, LITTLE WONDERS 

next time you're at jollibee, look very closely at the "fireworks" picture. here's to hoping that will make your day. :D

anokaya

Every bone in my body is aching. But it was well worth it.

Believe it or not, I actually had fun passing around hollow blocks and sacks of sand. The fact that we had a "human chain" going made it hell of a lot easier... and loads more fun. Thank God the weather was great (cool & windy), else the sentiments on this post would be different (i really hate hot humid weather).

I also got interviewed by BBC. I'm not sure when they're showing it, or if they're even showing it. They did take a video of me with my groupmates though. And she got my name. Yey. Leos sure like fame (...errr. right. -_-`)

I sounded stupid though. I always do.

-_-`.

I also discovered love for mulidos--a peso-delicacy that's worth much more in taste. my friends and i emptied that darn store.

Rice crackers (large, square ones) also cost a peso too. Man, that's a steal.

According to the residents though, charge more than that and no one would be able to afford it. -_-`. It wasn't obvious to me at that time... but the difference between our life and theirs was and is still huge.

Gawad Kalinga hopes to bridge that gap. And they're succeeding. At least for BASECO village.

Now, these people have livelihoods. They even have small gardens to tend to. A videoke machine at the common-area.

They have paved walks, tutorial programs on the weekends. but more importantly, they have sturdy shelter and a roof over their heads. They've also regained hope. which in my opinion, is life's very essence.

And I'm extremely thankful to have been a part of that. Even for just a day. To have interacted with them. To have helped some of them achieve their dreams--of a brand new house, a brand new life. By no means am I exaggerating my team's achievements--it's a small pebble when what you need is a whole mound. But our contribution, no matter how small, was a step closer towards that goal. and for that I'm extremely proud. :D

Next saturday... another date with those hollowblocks, with a reward dinner of mulidos! :D

anokaya

For all my tough talk, I'm scared. Extremely.

I haven't been attending my major subjects. Not because I don't want to, but because I'm afraid to.

I'm scared that my teachers would get mad at me. would humiliate me in front of class. I'm scared that I might get called and wouldn't know how to answer. I'm scared of entering class and not being able to find a seat, because someone took over mine in my absence (absolute petpeeve).

All these thoughts and worries swirl around my head as I walk to class. Then they stop me frozen in my steps. Push me to head the other way.

I retreat to my secret havens, where I feel safest. I lurk online, go to the batcave. Call up my mom. Escape. But the relief and happiness is temporary. My responsibilities haunt me. They catch up and I no longer know where to run.

Again, I am paralyzed. scared. depressed. 3 weeks 'til finals. and while I don't doubt my ability to pass the exam, passing the subject is a different matter. 

My guts tell me I have a really good fighting chance--for all subjects. But my professors aren't the enemy. The enemy is myself. :x

Dagnabbit. Wish me luck. :~( 

anokaya

The thought of going to school tomorrow fills me with dread & fear. I don't want to be asked why I was absent. They won't understand. -_-`.

But my predicament is nothing like what my mom will face tomorrow. She'll be going under the knife--having an operation. Hysterectomy. Simply uttering the word makes me shiver. I sincerely hope, pray and know she'll be alright.

In a couple of hours, we wrestle with our demons. May we both win the struggle.  

anokaya

international law paper + exam

women and politics exam

relstri exam

FREEDOM!

1. BACKLOG: Analytical Paper for Political Ecology - due last september

2. Midterm paper for Women & Politics: due this thursday

3. International Law Report: thursday

4. Philosophy Paper: Friday

5. Political Ecology Analytical paper #4: due this tuesday

6. Political Ecology Project Article: self-imposed deadline sunday 

7. Political Ecology Project: polish blogsite, monday 

8. Political Ecology, presentation of Final Project: due this tuesday 

9. Philper Final Paper, Dec. 9 (tomorrow)

10. Backlog: Devil's Advocate Paper & Royal Noodles (Relstri)

11. Study Relstri pp. 56-onwards, monday evening

12. Relstri final exam, tuesday

Other things to do:

a. have 2x2 picture taken (for COSCA pink slip)

b. upload pictures from Gawad Kalinga (for report, submit to alvin etc)

c. follow up approved absence letters

d. write letter for Orient2 (IMPT!!!)

e. consult Sir Pedro (IMPT!!!!3x)

f. debate speech 

g. read polecos articles, make matrix

SURE-PASS SUBJECTS: orient2, relstri, polecol, philper

SEMI-SURE-PASS SUBJECTS: semirel, womepol, polecos

if i don't mess things up this week, i'll surely have a merry Christmas

wish me luck!