Sira ka Talaga! :)

i just feel awful, & i don't understand it.

how can two people you idolize you the most, suddenly appall you this much just hours later?

of course maybe i'm just jumping into conclusions, but whatever conclusion i reach, still doesn't make me feel better.

i'm trying to rationalize my feelings, thinking that maybe some of it is just pure envy; but deep down in my gut, I know it's not.

it's like killing Santa Claus or telling me the tooth fairy isn't real. of course its true, but it just hurts so much to have your dreams disproven. right under your nose.

maybe i'm over-reacting. i cried over this for crying out loud, and I didn't even try--tears just fell. but the incredible confusion i feel right now, as to what i'm supposed to think or believe or say or act, justifies it.

shock, just pure shock.

and maybe i'm reading more into this than i should, that's true. but there was no other outcome that i could think of, just in varying degrees.



i hope this does not bog me down for the LSIVs quarters (yey, denise and I broke, but low break. good enough. more hard work and better performance next time)

++++++

some highlights of having the LSIVs were having this really cool people come to manila and stay with us.

Tim Sonnreich, australasian champ and worlds finalist many times over, is here for the weekend (won't be going to AIVS hehehe!). Really great guy, taught us a lot of stuff before the rounds started really cute and hot too hehehe. stayed at my place, yeyyy I was the envy of some girls I wouldn't dare mention, but yeah. he was just really, really nice and really really brilliant and cool.

RK is also here, first asian from an asian team to reach the worlds finals he went to last year's lsivs as well, as a debater, and it was just nice of him to fly himself in as one of our DCAs. gotten to know him better this time around, super nice guy with a quirky sense of humor an honourary lasallian. i should get him a shirt to match his lasallian jacket, yeah! According to T.L., he said, without prodding from her, that I was good. yey. hehehe. enough to lift my spirits up, but yeah. of course there's some form of bias involved. hehe. we ARE nice to him and everything yeyey. broccolis and cheese sticks!

Logan! met him at asians last year at a drinking party, but didn't really know him much (as if i know him any better now ) what I do know, though, is that he's really nice and really sweet. I sat down next to him during our welcoming dinner, and even if he didn't know me or my name, and even if tim and praba and brian and rk were there for him to talk to, he tried several times to start a conversation with me. he even tried to make me dance at anthology of course, i'm just too uptight for that (i admit, i am a bit too square). and it felt nice to get a goodbye hug from this world's DCA! really nice guy... makes me want to go to worlds all the more (all the MMU people have been great)

special shout-outs to paik yin (jungle), eu gin (gin hehe), licky, pam, and all the other Malaysians they were all really sweet, and for some time I felt THEY were entertaining us hehehe! weee i wouldn't mind meeting more ppl at MMU this december

+++++++

I have lots more to write, but so little time. I have to be getting ready. Wish us luck!

i just had one of the best days i've had in a really long time.

it started out really crappy. i woke up feeling incredibly lethargic, and found nothing good to watch on tv. eating cadbury chocolate for breakfast was a remedy (yes, i was pretty depressed the night before so don't judge me). i watched will & grace (which was pretty funny after all, but not as hilarious as friends imho), jay leno (battle of the jaywalking allstars was great) and a little bit of conan before finally getting the energy to get up for school. by that time, i should've already missed my oral exam.

turns out i didn't. i arrived just on time. whereas people were waiting for 4 hours, i only waited for 1. yippee for me! the added time also gave me time to study, which was great. thanks to wil for lending me his handout, and for armand being nice enough to call me at home and remind me of our finals

i love my friends.

invited asha to hang-out to unwind. spent loads of money eating at TGIF (500 each, yeaich). asha's company (and the mudpie we shared afterwards) made it all worth it. we talked about life, and death, and love. we philosophized and opened up to each other about almost everything.

i just realized that while our worldview was completely different, our basic worries and problems were the same: the future, our grades, our lackluster lovelife, perceived mediocrity, waning interest in almost everything, bouts of insecurity... it just felt good to talk to someone who understood what you felt and thought.

after that, decided to do something constructive. after feeling really down-low, we went to our old hang-out spot: don jon's. played some guitar, tried to get some guitars sold. chatted with joel, exchanged #s (he was offering P50/hour guitar lessons and a chance to be GMA extras. how can one say no?). went up to perfect pitch, flirted a bit with the cute warlock-looking guy (his name's Christian. he said we were pretty. a friend of Byron's, who was also a bit of a crush before). i kept on introducing both of us as lesbian lovers. i think they wanted to believe me.

texted Mark. hung-out. his dog was trying to paw me. and bite me. and maul Asha. hehehe.

all-in-all, good, clean, ego-boosting fun.

i wonder how long the high will last?