Sira ka Talaga! :)

We reached the finals!!

Now I know this is a few days late, but I've been itching to blog that our team (Eric E and I) reached the Nationals Finals! A feat considering that we were literally bludgeoned at the Ateneo crosstraining (3-0-0), and got a 1 during NDC's 2nd round (although it was because of a REALLY bad adj. giving a 3 to a team that shafted AND misrepresented AND had a really irrelevant case!!), making us the 4th ranking team at lasalle that time.

And we made it to the finals!! heheh! on the same bench with Geekazoid (uy congrats din Nico!

I can't say I believe we made it through merit alone. If circumstances were different, if motions were different, if we'd gone up against other teams--we probably wouldn't have made it.

If we weren't on the same side as ADMU A from octos to semis, their badgering would probably have gotten to us (although they're starting to behave quite a bit. hehe).

If privatizing peacekeeping (my previously most-detested motion turned personal-favorite) hadn't been the quarters motion, and if we weren't on OG (my favorite position... PM doesn't require rebuttals hehe), we probably wouldn't have had the confidence-boost (we beat ADMU A to the 3 points CLEARLY in that round) needed to survive past semis. We probably might not even have made it to the semis...

Too consistent to be attributed to coincidences, too complex to be pegged to simple luck. I think it was a combination of divine intervention and pure faith. Sometimes silly (but still pure and heartfelt) faith.

Every round wherein we got a three (or won), Eric Ebro had a calculator in his breastpocket, and we had smileys written after our names (on the blackboard). During the semis to the finals, I was clutching my grandfather's lighter (for luck, guidance and calm) while Eric had his trusty calculator (again) hidden from view by his "finals" coat (he was just so confident we'd make it hehe). Those are examples of silly (but pure and heartfelt) faith. We had our luckycharms, our safetyblankets, and weirdly enough they worked. (thanks God!)

After semis, when we felt most vulnerable, we held hands in our prayer circle and asked God to reaffirm our tradition. Winning with honor, Making the Game beautiful. If our win wasn't His will, we said we'd accept, with tears in our eyes and yet faith still in our hearts. knowing that somehow all this would fit in a grand plan that no one but Him understands. I honestly felt, at that time, (and I did tell, and ask, some of the adjes) that CSB-A won over us in that exchange. That they even won over Jess and Len. And until now I can't reconcile why we moved on to the finals, just for giving the historical context of what's going on in France. But that doesn't take away my gratitude to God for having our prayers realized... Until now it still seems surreal, getting past semis, even making it to semis at all... I attribute it all to God and His extreme faithfulness to our debate society. To all debate societies who build on His name. Thanks Lord, Thanks Lolo Thanks for the wonderful experience. Thanks for helping me break past my psychological barrier. It can be done, it can be done...

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On a side note, my extreme joy over getting to the finals exposes just how young a society we still are. Most teams and societies EXPECT to be in the NDC finals. Anything less would be a huge disappointment. LaSalle teams see reaching the finals as an uphill climb, an Everest of sorts-- requiring psychological barriers to be broken (problems of low self-esteem, the "can-I-really-do-it"-complex -- i had this. good thing Eric E and the rest of Lasalle's there to help me snap out of it), and glass ceilings (persistent adjudicator thought that lasallians are debating lightweights, so to speak) to be overcome. It's just not as easy for us as it is for other schools, at least that's how I see it. I long for the day when Lasallians see reaching the finals not as an expectation nor as an impossible feat, but rather as an achievable means to a noble end: that of winning the national championships. As Brian would like to say it, "Winning the championships just requires 11 brilliant speeches"... and brilliance is something that Lasallians are fully capable of.

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What's new for me:

* im going to take my midterms this week (postponed from last week)
* im supposed to finish 2 papers tonight (due tomorrow)
* going to Claret on Wednesday to train with them
* going to IISDC to adj, hopefully (my God, I need a life)

Tournaments to watch out, and train really, really hard for:
- LaSalle IVs
- Ateneo IVs
- World's
- IIDC

I can't believe Bush won.

My heart goes out for Kerry.

I'm in the middle of writing a 5-page paper about Arundhati Roy's "The God of Small Things". It should be easy enough, if only the teacher didn't set such rigid guidelines for what the first page should contain. How the hell can I fit the intro, synopsis, a short bio of the author and my thesis statement in just one page (double-spaced!!)?!? I don't know in which scenario he'll penalize me more: if I go overboard (if the contents spill-over to the 2nd page) or if I discard some of his requirements. Either that, or I just do away with my writing style (read: verbose hehehe) and sum up everything in generalized sentences. I wouldn't be happy with that either.

It's already 9:24 p.m. and I still haven't gotten my 1st page right. I might as well just plough through, finish up to the 5th page, and re-arrange later. But being the pseudo-perfectionist that I am (pseudo meaning that I strive for perfection in the beginning, then throw in the towel when deadline's fast approaching), I'll end up re-writing 1st and 2nd page for another 2 hours, laze around a bit, and come up with a half-baked product by the end of this evening. Better that than nothing by tomorrow. I can't afford to strike this one out. I'll fail if I do.

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Had an interesting YM conversation with Harris the other day. Miss that guy. He told me I should write an entry about the basics of debating and how I got there in the first place, just to give my non-debater friends an idea of what I'm going through (hmm... my sentences are too long, grr). I'll try to get around to doing that, once I'm done with my paper. I think it's a good idea, if only to remind me why I'm even debating in the first place

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I'm seriously itching to do away with the paper and just surf the net. An acid test for my willpower. Watch me battle my demons. Bleeeeeh.

need to cover my tracks up. *sheepish grin*

It's amazing how much I've changed, and how much I've stayed the same.

What would've been "fun" for me before, is strangely a chore for me now.

I dread going back and revisiting my past.

If only because I don't know what to say, and how to act.

And what they think of me.

I want to forget it was ever a part of my world, and move on.

Just like that world has moved on without me.

With the good memories come the bad. And I don't think I need that now. Not just yet, not just yet...

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I've been tasked to be the Tournament Director for NashDC (Lasalle's National Debate Championships for HS students). Makes me more than a tad nervous, since its quite a big responsibility. That's okay though. I'm up for the challenge. I'll make sure this will be a tournament to talk about (on a positive note, of course )

... funny, but Debate never fails to cheer me up. *sigh* I'm really becoming a freak. hehehe.

I did nothing all day. Its strangely relaxing and satisfying. But it made me feel guilty at the same time.

Had 2 breakfasts today. Mom ordered 2 pizzas (shakeys, cheese + garlic, yumyum!)... kaming dalawa lang yung kumain. hehehe. ate spaghetti too. tapos sarsi panulak

after binge-eating, the thought of going to the gym entered my mind. but slipped right out again. i decided to go downstairs and search for new online games to play. hehehe.

and that's what i've been doing since 5 pm. i've checked out zanpo, where you get to make your own city... blockwars, a multi-player tetris game... some random puzzle games from popcap. projectrockstar.com (this is cool. you get to pretend to be a band manager! hehehe... I'm managing "summitstar"! hahahah!). now i'm on playdo.com. still don't know the purpose of this site though. i'm nearing boredom. bleh.

so yeah. that was my boring, unproductive day. maybe i'll make up for it tomorrow by re-writing my notes and studying for my majors. wahehe. or maybe not

im terribly sleepy but i still have a reaction paper to finish. i can't believe im still not done with it now. ill just wake up extra early tomorrow to do it.

i'm returning to my old lazy ways... grawdfrjdhglds

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.

Write, for example, "The night is starry, and the stars are blue and shiver in the dim".

The night wind revolves in the sky and sings...

I have to have this poem by Pablo Neruda memorized by tomorrowwww. We have to recite it in class and I'm not sure if I'll be able to do it. Let's just hope that my classmates falter as well. hehe. or that we all do well. if I'm going down, I'm taking them all down with me (hehe kidding).

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I dreamt about him again the other night. And it just felt so weird and real and good that I didn't want to wake up. Reality is far more different though. I know he's not all I've made him to be, and that I don't really know him all that well. But the little that I know about him constitutes all the ingredients for my dream guy. wahhh. hehehe.

But I should just forget him. It's not him really that I like (because I don't know who he is really), it's just the idea of him. Him as I'd like him to be, and not him as he really is (coz he's an ass, I can tell).

Blehhh I should just stop thinking. I have a poem to memorize, factsheets to do, janlo's rebuttals to check. I can't put my life on pause because of a silly dream. Hehehe.

But it would be nice to find someone like him.. yeyyy. Harris hanap tayo! hahaha. :D *hugzies*