Sira ka Talaga! :)

haaay.

tried unsuccessfully (hmm. correct spelling?) to enroll today. i unfortunately have some issues with the library that i have to resolve. darn-it. why can't they just let me enroll in peace, and then let me settle issues with them later?

hehe. rawr. maybe this will help me develop a much-needed sense of responsibility

watched Imelda last night, was amused and at the same time inspired. Biographies tend to make me feel that way. Amazing how some lives can start simple enough, daydreaming along sandy beaches, and end up as glamorous or as history-changing. weird. like my lolo. farmer's son to pier stevedore to newspaper writer to labor sec to senator to honorable statesman, nationalistic hero (at least in my eyes).... sigh. miss him. its hitting me, this will be my first birthday without him.

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stressed out for my persuasive speech tomorrow. i have no powerpoint presentation yet, and my browser still isn't working. i probably should quit writing in my tab and start doing something about it. rawr. plus my enrollment too.

so yeah. ill try to do the responsible thing and get up from this chair and stop whining. am at a netcafe near school btw. rawr. please Lord let it not rain.

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GRAWRRRRRRRRR I want !!!!!!!!!!!!

Today Im defending the Palestinian intifada as a legitimate form of self-defense (in the absence of other alternatives). Im quite nervous about it. Not because I am not convinced with my arguments, because I am, but because I'm not sure how to convey my arguments in a way that will be persuasive to a class that might not have even heard of the intifada. might not even care. groan.

I'm also nervous because I have to wear a stinking blazer. It doesn't smell, mind you. It just sucks over-all. I like having control over the way I dress, but today, for the sake of a grade, I'll have to conform. I chose two tops that will shock though. One is a blazer that looks so 80s because of its high contrast in colors (fuchsia, orange and electric blue on a background of black) or my thai-royal un-padded 3/4 blouse that can pass for casual-wear/costume for a play. which one, which one i wonder.

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im in the process of mending my ways. to get to school by 1, i have to leave at 12, which at the moment is not possible. but i have to be in school by 1. aserghdl. so today, i will attempt my fastest bath ever. 30 minutes. kaya kaya? usually i spend an hour taking a bath (I finish the CD, whichever's playing), and then 30 minutes getting ready. so all in all 1/30. Which, according to imelda, is the same time she spends when going to the provinces. which i find problematic (my resemblance to imelda. nyay).

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going back to imelda, i must say she's very charming. at my lolo's wake, she kissed me on the cheek even though she didn't know me. i felt warm towards her after that. her cheeks though, were cold and cake-y. hehe. but y'know.. she still has that aura of elegance. just like my mama. yehey. hehe. i dont even know what im talking about. from what i hear, imelda and my lolo weren't really on nice terms when Marcos was still alive. still. she went to my lolo's wake, and a bunch of my lolo's supposed friends didn't. won't name names, but i'm annoyed to admit that some of them I treated as idols. rar. but not anymore. loco they are.

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i miss my simcard. :/

will go to training to school today. on time (hopefully). it's at 9. hard for estelle to go to statclasses at 9, but easier to go to debate training, even if its at the same time. maybe it's just a question of will?

will be meeting one of my crushes later. hehe. he invited me to watch their orchestra play (no, he's not a violinist, he's a classical guitar player mwahaha) in malabon. hmm. hehe. looking at other options. assholic crush is an asshole again, i dont think i like him anymore (my umpteenth declaration. but he's still hella cute hehe).

alrighty. going to go up, fix my things and leave for lasalle! yeey!

i really can't describe how i feel right now.

i don't know if this is my second taste of that unfathomable, indescribable thing called love. hehe. im really not sure. maybe not. maybe so. maybe. so unsure.

all i know is, i'm so restless.

last night, his phone was busy, and i couldn't keep myself from wondering who the hell he's talking to (as if it's any of my business).

just today, he filled most of my waking thoughts and invaded even my dreams.

and tomorrow, i'm thinking of waking up earlier just to be with him. monopolize him (.. i mean, play monopoly with him. hehe).

it's just so strange.

i barely know him.

how can i like him this much?

maybe it's just loneliness catching up with me. maybe its just the idea of him that i like...

i don't know, i really don't know.

there are a lot of things that I don't know about this world, and that includes what I myself think, and feel, and believe. and the uncertainty is nice. it makes me wonder. and then reflect. explore. discover. and then wonder again...

bleh. asdfghdl. do i like him? love him? know him? (...here we go again...)

i want to climb into a guy's mind (a specific guy's mind) just to see how it works.

if you're a guy, and you don't text me for one whole day, does that mean that you didn't think about me the whole day, or that you didn't find me that important to text, or were you just shy to text me about nothing?

does it mean that if you don't text, that i shouldn't text you too? that I shouldn't call you? 'coz you're probably busy doing something else or you're probably enjoying time without me bugging you?

grawr. hehe.

good news is, it gets easier. the desire, the craving, the itch to pester dies down with every single slow-passing hour.

or maybe that's just because instead of talking with him, i'm talking ABOUT him... which is every bit as worse.

steven's right, i'm too kiriray. hehe.

but what can I do? wah. hopeless romantic, or simply romantically hopeless.

yesterday i couldn't stop myself from texting him. or thinking about him.

he was obviously busy, not thinking about me, reviewing for his finals (which is what I should be doing). replied, but was obviously distracted.

so i got him some chocolate and candy and left it in his mailbox instead. the next best thing to being with him yesterday was to be a part of whatever he was doing, to maybe invade his thoughts, even for just a while. maybe even make him smile. i don't know. hehehe.

and i think that's what I did. at least yesterday. looks like chocolate candies effects don't last until the day after. he hasn't texted since.

grrrrr. ill be strong, i wont cave in. except maybe when tomorrow afternoon rolls and still no text from him.

im psychotic. bleh. im a stalker. bleh.

asdjfghdls. im not making any sense.

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raffy was supposed to go here and study stat with me.

but mom found it inappropriate.

haysos.

a blessing from God (study partner + tutor, his brother, in stat) that I had to turn away from, just because of conservative ideas.

BLEHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

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I want to fall in love again, but hopefully this time it's longlasting and mutual. hehe. feel ko, if I were a guy and I were still this sweet and creative (albeit not this cowardly), I'd probably have a cool girlfriend right now. **pardon my patheticness** stars make me dream.

received flowers from a friend today, along with a cute tea set a belated bday gift, but still much appreciated. Didn't really feel like writing on my tab tonight, but since that rarely happens (receiving flowers, coolness), i decided it was worth my time to write it down, simply for the sake of it.

pathetic ain't it? hehe. the simplest things make me happy

like today, raffy called while i was gone, just to check up on me (if i committed suicide na daw). right now we're texting about my nixed exams (yeah, I missed 2 out of 3. bummer, right?), at each other's throats again (although this time, i can honestly say i dont like him anymore hehe).

luis and martin also texted for no reason. i love receiving "wala lang, i'm bored" text messages. hehe. it means that during idle times, kahit papano, i pop into their head, diba? at least, i'd like to think so. hehe.

also hung-out with owel-wel this evening. i love his new haircut. i miss that dude and his child-like wonder for almost everything sana more people can be like him.

most of all, got to hang-out with mr. ponana. got to give him a massage (he should be happy about this, not the other way around hehe), got to wear his cap, got to sit real close beside him and feel the warmth of the left side of his body (WAHAHA UBER PATHETIC). got to hug him, albeit awkwardly. got to take him home, a pleasure since i got to hang out with him the whole ride to alabang. wah. wah. wah.

i dunno though if this is going anywhere. steven advised me to postpone decision until i see logical, observable things. and what have i observed so far?

... well, he hasn't been turning down my invitations to hang-out, so i'm guessing he doesnt feel repulsion towards me.

... but he doesn't really ask me to hang-out that much either, except maybe for the drinking party at his house. its usually me who does the asking... or i happen to text him and he tells me he's not doing anything so we can meet up. hay. so that just means there's no real effort coming from him, making our almost-everyday-meetings simply coincidental (or planned onesidedly by me).

... he doesnt really text when there's no reason to, unless he's bored and has nothing else to do. which could mean a whole bunch of things.

... he came to my party even if he hardly knew anyone, and even gave me a card and gifts. maybe he's just being a nice friend.

... even when there was space in the car awhile ago, he didn't make an effort to move that much. although like most things, thats also open to interpretations. hay.

ewan. ill take this all in stride.

i wonder whats going through his mind right now.

probably his exams for tomorrow, the research paper he has yet to make.

am i even in his thoughts like he is in mine

should i just give up the chase (sounds so bad when a girl is saying it)

ill let fate handle it. hehe.

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"uy salamat nga pala sa candies ha. ang sweet "

mama.

Lasalle won awhile ago Champions of JPES! Yesssss! ANIMOOO!

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I really can't think straight right now. Will post some other time. Cya!