Sira ka Talaga! :)

I'm a very happy girl today, simply because of two text messages

READ: From Assholic Crush

"Estele, nasan kna?" -- 4:51 ***was so surprised because we had no plans of meeting whatsoever and our project was done and he had no reason to text me at all! class ended at 4:10***

I replied "Ha? He2. Asa robplace, with asha. why? "

"Wala, kala ko asa bhay kna"

Again I asked him why (happilyyy)

Then he said, "Nsa condo, wlang f0od n i ordered 4 delivery but i thnk i orderd 2 much. Fr3 f0od nsana".

GAHHH!!!!!!! in my head, I immediately regretted going to robplace with Ashasha. hehe. But then again, I figured, what the hell. Things happen. I just told him to enjoy his food, bon appetit, and thanks for the thought.

Wowee. If I had just decided to go home earlier, I would've been hanging out with him at their place, eating God-knows-what. hehe. Let's hope he invites me again... *Lord, God, pleeeease?*

hehe I'm so pathetic. BUT. that's okay. hehe. at least he doesn't know (not yet!)

+++++++++++++++

Watched Passion of The Christ...

I'm sorry, but I think I was just expecting too much. I was barely moved, except cringing whenever Jesus' got hit (it really did look painful and real. scary. )

Some tears fell, but it was more because of yawning than emotion. I'm sorry for those who loved the film, maybe it's just not my cup of tea.

My mind floated off during different parts of the film though, and guess where it went? ......rrrraaaffffiiikkiii. hahaha.

I'm sure none of my blockmates have the patience to actually look for my online journal and read through all the b.s. i actually post here, so pasting his name online wouldn't really hurt, would it?

No, he isn't a babboon, but his name sounds really close to it.

WEE.

++++++++

Campaigns for POLISCY elections started awhile ago.

The Frosh classroom was fun. They really listened while I was speaking, and I could see a few them nodding their heads when I mentioned the problems I saw with POLISCY and how better representation would resolve them.

The soph-campaign, however, did not go as planned. Wil was persistent in demanding that he be the first one to speak, so I let him. He was a bit shaky and stuttery, so much so that the sophomores stopped listening. When it was my turn, their blank and annoyed facial expressions made me stutter as well. I forgot my train of thought. THINGS DID NOT GO WELL.

Tomorrow, don't know if I still have the energy to campaign. I mean, I want to serve POLISCY and I want our voices (my batch's) to be heard, but I just can't help but think of my other responsibilities this coming year. I really want to get better at debating, plus I want to improve my academics. Aside from that, a part of me is craving for the old 'musical' life I once had. I want to create songs again, I want to do productions again, I want to have a band again. Plus, Splitcide too... they're really getting better, I should devote more time to them. Where would POLISCY fit in?

Maybe I should again leave this up to fate. The Lord has his plans for me, and they will push through no matter what decision I make. It's not so much on the details, but on the big picture itself. Rar.

++++++

How do I get close to my aholic crush again?? Please help. hehe. I want to hangout with him againnnnnnn. Rar.

Been looking at him through the corner of my eyes, again. haha. our eyes met once, I quickly darted mine away. haha. baka mahalata. hahaha. although i'm sure he has an inkling, me being a very obvious girl. :/

he's just really cute and smart and funny. rawrrr. he's a leo too. rawr! hahaha

Bleh. I really should just give it a rest.

+++++

Steven's stalking me! And arguing with me through text! And asking me for chocolates! Help! hahaha!

joke steven, don't get even!

haha! just so happy. when i woke up this morning, 1 missed call and 1 text message from you-know-who! haha!

wala, I think he was trying to call, but since I was already asleep, he just texted "Dnt mind that, away kami ng kuya ko b0ut kung cno kumanta ng adrianne. 4get it"

waha. i responded "Sorry, got some much needed sleep last night. I think it was The Calling, but i'm not sure. ne-way, i'm sure you guys have resolved it by now. hehe. gud am."

WAHEEEEE! and then I texted Mikebeltran and Asha immediately 'coz I couldn't keep my giddiness in. haha

i know he probably texted just b'coz he knows i'm into bands and i might know the answer, pero... wow. from 1st term to right about a few days ago, the only text messages he and I exchanged were about that petty fight we had from CRITHIN. wee.

now we're friends, or so I hope. hehe. okidoki!

also what makes me happy is i have a working guitar again! i can try making songs! woohoo! but its hard PLUS, i have a new testimonial from willbee! yey!

im so happy.

my day started out okay enough... but mid-day sucked. hehe.

during psych class we got to write positive comments about each other a few of the praises touched me, like one who wrote that he hopes we could be as close again as we were during the first few days in lasalle. aww. I never knew he even remembered hehe.

ne-way, after that, hung out with ND, Asha, Ate dane, and her friends 'Twas fun, although I could sense that ND and Asha were feeling a bit shy. Was able to get along well with 'te dane and her friends, although I really did have a hard time hearing them sometimes (I'm going deaf. wahh.). later on, hung-out at the SIO. was able to chat with Penny, Wilbee, Monita, Luigi, Luis, Charles and Mark. Really happy to see them again, missed them lots... seemed like they missed me too, yey! Monita said we need an open forum, so I wonder if I'm in hot water... while Wilbee naman told me he had lots of stories to share. maybe next time...

up to that time, still wasn't able to talk to the assholic crush, so I was feeling a bit down. walked Asha to her class, precisely bcoz the he would be there. hehe. he was all grumpy and his eyes were so sleepy they looked like slits. ne-way, went to the car with a heavy heart, and decided to just go look for HBT caps to forget about grumpy crushie for awhile.

... well, no such luck. ROTC office didn't have ANY HBT caps anymore. Went to Fort Bonifacio, no caps there either. Tried our luck at Roxanne's Mkti, Crame and even Recto--- WALA. Badtrip. Dont even know if I can attend firing tomorrow because of it.

Going to Recto was an experience. I was really groggy because I slept in the car, and I felt like I was walking on air. But then there were a lot of people around you, and city noises + dance music blaring from stores distract you... and it was like one giant party, only you were too stoned to feel the life of it. hehe. although I've never been stoned before, I think I know how it feels. Try fainting and THEN try standing up afterwards. hehe. I think thats about right.

... then came the highlight of my day!

++++++++

CRUSHIE UPDATE

He texted me first, again (yey!): "Oi, l0ok at ur txt msgs nmn! Kiddng. U at h0me?" 7:46

yeyeyey! Of course I was shocked but elated! First of all, he texted.. 2nd of all, he included a short joke which he knew would catch my attention (hehe he jokingly asked me before if i rarely look at my phone, only to find out it was true) and 3rd... the "u at home" question usually precedes asking to call. hehe.

unfortunately, I was still on the road, so I asked him what it was all about, only to be answered, in all seriousness, that it was about stolen cookies. hehehe.

isn't that cute? wahaha. anyway, he said he needed to talk with someone smart (me? haha!) and that everyone he knew was either abroad or out on a party. rarar. so there. told him I was still on the road, asked him if he could wait, and we texted until I got home. Tapos he called pa when I told him I was already home, just swapped random stories about ourselves, etc. Really cool.

Tomorrow he might be here... he did mention it. he needs to watch Jologs and I happened to have the CD... so it might be just coincidence, plain luck, or most likely, a blessing from God! I knew that CD would pay off someday! mwahaha! investment returns! wahaha! kidding.

ne-way, lookin forward to tomorrow not for the firing (although it would be an exciting new experience) but rather for the movie watching. mwahaha. told him that I won't give free food this time... he said it was no problem. wahaha. opkors I'll give free food, dumdum... matiis ko ba namang makita kang gutom? mwahaha!

IM SUCH A LOSER. mwahaha. we got our block pics awhile ago and I was just gazing at his face for a long time. hahaha. pathetic. hahaha. but that's okay

ne-way. enough about that. thanks to mikebeltran for the prayers, they're helping a LOT! haha!

+++++

Ogge called after him. Offered me a "job", can't remember what its called. Its really just a small thing in school, really... I just suggest laws that need to be changed/revised or new laws that need enactment. Or at least that's what I understood. Exciting stuff.

Planning my campaign strategy for POLISCY now. lets take advantage of the info-super-highway. hehe.

+++

I love life. THANK YOU LORD!!! I LOVE YOU!! hahaha im so giddy and happy, i feel like my smile is plastered to my mouth

too tired to write a long entry, which is probably good for those too lazy to read.

just finished a website that I'm using for POLISCY campaign purposes. i think it looks like crap, but i needed an aggressive campaign manuever since im clearly not impressing that many sophomores given that I'm relatively unknown. :/ rar.

its ok though. will put up a good fight until after the elections. win or lose, i'm fine with it. i'll let God decide.

+++

ahole crush's visit to my house was postponed to tomorrow. was praying that he'd text today, and he did. Only, it was just one message, saying "J0l0gs, bukas". Rar. As if I'd forget. At least it kinda meant he thought about me, for even just a single second, this sunday evening.

lets hope things go well tomorrow. rar. too tired to even feel giddy.

+++

cant think of anything else to write. wish me luck for my psych finals tomorrow. i know nothing. rar.

I AM SO GOING TO KILL MY DRIVER TED!

I've been awake since 8:30, been dressed by 9:30 and its now 10:44 and he's still not here. TO TOP IT ALL OFF, I have GENPSYC at 10:30, AND WE HAVE EXAMS!! FINALS!!! OOOHHHHH SHIT IM GOING TO DIE.

I might fail GENPSYC just because my driver didn't get her on time! I wasn't able to take a make-up longquiz last time because my darn friend in class, aside from convincing me to not even ask the teacher, talked to the teacher to refuse to give me one, on the basis that its unfair for them (or her). rararar. AND NOW, THIS?!?!?! Shit, i really am going to kill ted.

WHAT DO I DO?!?!?!? asd;fkjghdkeoskdhfhgkelaslskdfjh! SHIT!

Okay, that was a stupid title, but it really does envelope what yesterday really was.

Imagine, in just one day, hanging out with 3 guys you either like or used to like PLUS getting a testimonial from a guy you had a tiny crush on for a while. hehe. Coolness!

So fine, yeah, I missed my PSYCH finals. Rar. So I was walking along goks all grumpy, and supposedly I passed Steven, making him hesitant to say hi to me precisely because I looked mad. And I was. But then something cheered me up in midstride... one of my previous crushes texted, asking me where I was heading and if we could hang-out. So sige, dba? Why not? hehehe Didn't text him with my usual smileys, just said "ok im going to miguel, 3rd floor, sir hilas class"... then when I got there, he was already there talking with our common friends! yebah!

hehe. didn't know hed actually stay long. he sat in, even finding a chair for me (someone stole my chair!... and to think its my class hehe).. but that's just the gentleman he is. Sat beside me, talked, etc... kept trying to look at my aholic crush at the corner of my eyes to see if he had any reaction. hehe. couldn't tell, previous crush was blocking my way. hehe! But it was just really nice... we sat down and talked, he looked at my grade for me (people were crowding around the grading sheet and I asked him to peep bcoz he was certainly towering over them) and when he said I got 100, he lifted me so I can see it. hehe. Needless to say, not only did I step on his foot when I landed down, but I also just got 91. he needs to have his eyes checked. hehe.

ne-wayyy so there. was studying for my psych, just in case the teacher gives me a make-up exam, and he stayed with me in the classroom, even if there were only 2 other people left, 2 other people he didn't know! went with me to wait with Asha, as well as to William Hall, SJ, and then helped me cross the street so we could eat at Carl's Jr. And guess who was there?

...SANTA! Santa was there with his friends. Well, they happened to be good friends (aside from being both my previous crushes) so we got tables that were side by side, although not completely joined. It was okay... talking with Santa was a bit awkward though, but I enjoyed talking with all of them. His group was fun. We talked about gross surgical procedures including Mark's experience of having a ball-pen like structure stuck up his ass and stuff. Hehe. Inappropriate dining conversations.

Walked previous crushie to class, and on the way there, hrm, he gave me some pseudo-compliments. hehe. we passed by the coke-model k'se e, eh medyo mapanlait si previous crush, but not at my expense. hehe. mas maganda raw ako dun. mwahaha. of course, thats not true, pero it just made me smile coz no one aside from bboy really thought I was anything near pretty before so ayun... that was fun, he rated me a 7 (pasang awa!) but given his really high standards (he gives certain models 6-8.. i have yet to hear him give a 10) i'm happy to at least pass. hehe.

+++

now about aholic crush. I can't understand him. I actually spent quite a number of minutes (or maybe an hour) trying to analyze if there's even the faintest chance that he likes me. hehe.

I mean, okay, I know I've been denying that he could ever like me, but of course I'm holding on to that small hope, dibaaaa? hehe. He did text almost every day after our project-making (no, not babyproject mr. steven hehe), although not all of them were conversational in nature. he did try calling me twice on different occassions, one on the cellphone about that stupid who-sang-adrian bet, and the other on my landline about his stolen cookies, on the pretty lame excuse that all people he knew were either out of the country or out on a party?!?! C'mon!! Seryoso ba sya?!?

hehe. or maybe he really has very few friends. hehehe. kidding. hehehe

like for example, the jologs-watching-hang-out-day. was supposed to be on Saturday, he wanted it postponed to Sunday. I said it wasn't possible, Sunday being my family day, so I gave him 3 options:

a. later that saturday (after he brings his auntie to the airport, or so he says)

b. monday

c. I'll just lend him the CD.

3 clear choices! right? he chose monday, meaning he still had plans of watching it at my place, so I didn't feel like I had to bring the VCD with me to school.

Then, he storms out of JPRizal after the grades were given out, calls me 15 minutes later and asks me where the CD is, he forgot to ask me raw. huwaaat.

I just really don't know what to think. hehe. but he really looked cute when I picked him up from his place. He just woke up (he took a nap) and his eyes were smaller than usual plus his hair was up. he looked like Peter Pan. hehe. Aww. Wish I had a rearview mirror of my own, so I could look at him all I want mwahaha.

This is severe infatuation estelle. Tsk-tsk. Stop it.

+++

last but not the least, yeah, philo-D made me a testi. short and simple, nothing special. but at least he took a few minutes off to write me one. hehe.

those are my crushie updates. hehe. not that I still like 'em all, I'm clearly still not over THE assholic crush. he's just so cute and smart and funny... plus he taught me briefly how to refill ink cartridges in the computer. hehe. nice guy, that is. except when in class. Grr.

that's that!

Mixed-and-matched ideas taken from entries of steven and kaka. I boldened the items which I think describes me as a girl, while the rest, erm.. I just found amusing. Obviously a guy wrote this. hehehe. he seemed to already run out of girl-descriptions with #14, #77 and #79. Whoever wrote this also seems to have had bad experience with girls who are blameshifters. not all girls are like that. hehe.

anyway, am not generalizing that all girls are like me. I'm just saying that hey, if all girls have to abide by these 100 secrets, than maybe I'm not one. hehehe! (but trust me, with my long list of crushes--all from the opposite sex-- I'm sure you'll have no doubt, I am one. hehe!)

100 secrets guys oughta know about girls

1. Girls like guys with sense of humor.
2. Girls hate guys who always brag about themselves.
3. It's a rare thing for girls to go for flings unlike many guys do.
4. Take a close look at this paradox: Girls are generally impulsive buyers but are good in budgeting.
5. Too sweet girls are usually the naggers.
6. Your girlfriend can either jokingly or seriously get jealous over your basketball games. -- for me it wasn't basketball, it was the band-thing. hehe.
7. Girls are very suspicious human beings.
8. A guy oughta understand his girl's mood swings specially when she has her monthly period.
9. Girls love to chat about anything.
10. Girls easily get carried away by their emotions.
11. You must tell a girl that you are courting her. Unless you make an obvious proposal, she could either play numb or be really numb of your feelings for her.
12. The girl who gives you a quick "yes" could either be too impulsive.
13. A girl's decision is always changeable.
14. It is really hard to trace why girls are unpredictable.
15. Girls can easily change their mind because of hearsays.
16. Girls hate guys who gossip.
17. You would know that a girl likes you if she laughs even at your corniest joke and even pays attention at your nonsense talk.
18. You can hook a girl by knowing her interests.
19. It is a fact that girls, since birth of the world, can be professional flirts using their magical charms.
20. Girls hate it when you make them wait. - eep. although I make people wait all the time. hehe.
21. Girls love babies. - not always true. hehe.
22. If you're truly in love with a girl, you will have a hard time to convince her telling so.
23. Girls don't take a full meal especially when they are on a diet. But they love to eat junkfood, sweets or fruits in between meals that can double up a full meal.
24. Beware: A girl knows how to persuade you that you could do her a favor through her charisma or seductive body language without you knowing it.
25. Girls are flattered when you make them melt in your eyes, but they would do anything just to show disapproval.
26. Girls are every conscious people.
27. Girls hate guys who whistle at their back. The act makes them look like cheap. - not because it makes us look cheap, but because guys who do that are obviously not refined. hehe.
28. Girls hate guys who hurt them physically. - OPKORS!
29. A girl is not necessarily after a guy with towering height. He just has to be taller then she is.
30. Girls generally do not court guys which make you guys so lucky to have their privilege to court your pick. - but there are ways to make a guy know that you like him without the exact act of "courting". hehe.
31. Girls who court guys are desperate. It is awkward to see a girl courting a guy.
32. Girls usually complete unconsciously among themselves especially when it comes to beauty.
33. Girls love pampering and being pampered by their boyfriends. So be careful, this can lead her to be possessive.
34. Never spoil a girl. Someday, if you fail to do a favor for her, she could lay the blame on you after all you did to her.
35. Girls have changeable moods.
36. Girls love being serenaded. The spookiest and the corniest thing that you do is for her the most romantic and the most memorable.
37. Girls like smart guys.
38. Girls like neat and presentable guys.
39. If you're thinking that girls are very particular with a guy's looks, then it's time for you to make a paradigm shift. It's actually the attitude and the way you treat them that they mostly fall for.
40. Girls can keep their deepest darkest secrets for a lifetime unlike guys who are very open about themselves.
41. Girls are the ones who can make a relationship stay longer but they don't want to have the dominating character over their boyfriend.
42. You should let her cool first before you say sorry, otherwise she won't accept your apology.
43. Girls usually go for older guys.
44. Like Eve, a girl is man's weakness.
45. Girls are generally pitiful and merciful.
46. Girls are physically weaker than guys but are emotionally stronger when problems arise. - not all the time. think of china. hehe.
47. Girls easily cry. That is why they are rarely violent because they ventilate themselves through crying.
48. A girl smokes and drinks though she knows it's not a good impression on her.
49. Girls love gentlemen.
50. Girls like guys who can protect and defend them. You don't have to be a macho man though.
51. Girls hate weaklings. It's enough that their gender has the weakest physique of all human being.
52. A girl can be fond of an effeminate. They may fall in love with a gay under considerable reasons.
53. Girls are constantly demure when guys (especially their crushes) are around but can be wild behind their back.
54. A girl hates it when her friend squeals about her crushes or secrets.
55. A girl that has admired a stranger could research even the least and nonsense bits of information about him.
56. Girls are generally more organized people than guys.
57. Girls wear makeup not because they are not confident with how they look but because they want to highlight their physical assets.
58. Girls like guys with electrical and carpentering skills. These assure them that they can handle even the smallest and peculiar thing.
59. Girls like McGyver-like guys who can easily look for a way out when situations corner them.
60. Girls are generally good in subjects like Language and Social Science than Mathematics and General Science.
61. If a girl says "no," believe her. If a girl really likes you, she wouldn't give you a "no." She'll give you hanging messages instead.
62. Girls only play hard-to-get when they think her crush or suitor finds her obvious that she has feelings for him.
63. Girls have legions of insecurities.
64. Girls also stammer when they're talking to the guy they truly admire.
65. Girls have innumerable crushes but her heart belongs only to one guy.
66. Girls mature faster and grow older than guys their same age.
67. Girls are more prone to getting fat easily.GRRR!
68. Girls love receiving letters.
69. Girls are mostly panic-buyers and worriers.
70. Girls love surprises.
71. It is false humility girls show when they're given compliments.
72. It is by playing tame pussycat but you tame the shrew.
73. Before you court a girl, study her inside out.
74. Girls are particular in getting, grouping or having things in one color.
75. It's hard for a girl to recover from her past.
76. A girl prefers to learn about relationships from novels than through experience.
77. Psychologists proved that a girl, who was molested at a very young age, loses her self-esteem and develops negative attitude towards other people.
78. A girl can easily forgive you if you are sincere with your apology.
79. A girl can only be healed from her past through the enabling touch of God.
80. Girls murmur a lot or make tantrums when they get irritated. They can control their emotions but not their temper.
81. Girls easily get watery eyed over telenovelas and dramas.
82. A girl gets annoyed to a guy who pushes himself so hard to get her.
83. Girls act snob to guys either because they like too much or hate too much.
84. A girl can suppress her feelings if she knows that a relationship wouldn't work.
85. Girls are weight conscious.
86. If a guy is too innocent about handling a relationship, a girl would rather dump him.
87. Girls love being wooed.
88. A girl would flaunt her assets just to hook you.
89. Immature guys are out from girl's list.
90. There's somehow a ***** in a girl, who busted you, when she learns you're courting another girl, she'll thinks that that girl would rather dump you also.
91. A girl can make you wait for years in courting her but could eventually give you a "no" in the long run.
92. It is not always because she said "yes" that she likes or love you. She could have just said it for superficial reasons.
93. A girl loves talking all alone with the guy she's truly in love with especially in romantic and isolated places.
94. Girls drool a lot over shopping malls. - excuuuse me?
95. Girls like guys with broad shoulders and breasts. - huwaaat?! girls like guys with breasts? come on. hehe. we have those already! hehehe!
96. Girls admire sports-minded guys a lot.
97. High heels increases a girl's poise on a catwalk. - not true, not all girls can walk gracefully in heels.
98. Girls love guys who can bear with what they feel.
99. Girls are genetically sensitive.
100. Unless a girl enters Nursing, Biology, or medical courses or profession, she will always have that irk from seeing blood and will always repel to see, smell, or even hear disgusting stuff.

27. A guy often thinks about the girl who likes him. But this doesn't mean that the guy likes her. <-- THIS. Is my problem.

hehe. all along, steven has been trying to convince me that my crushie might be crushing on me for this!!:

39. A usual act that proves that the guy likes you is when he teases you.

but come onnnn. what if he's been teasing me just 'coz he KNOWS i like him? RAWR.

I mean, I'm not too obvious, am I? I don't text him before he texts me, and yeah, I do reply with smileys... BUT I REPLY WITH SMILEYS TO EVERYONE!!! Unless I'm in a really bad mood! I don't pester him when he stops replying to my text messages, I don't follow him around in class or stalk him or call him up at home... how can I be obvious?!?!

Rar. Or maybe he just so happens to text me for the weirdest things, bcoz he thinks I have the answers to everything. :/

Ok, so you're probably wondering, what spurred this paranoia thing. hehe. Well... I don't know. I guess I just hate the uncertainty of it. I'm pathetic, I know. But I used to be worse, if that's any consolation. *grumble*

He texted me tuesday morning, about a petty conversation that we had the night before. I caught him writing on pink stationary, and I teased him about it. He said he wasn't gay, only metrosexual... and I countered, I don't even think you know what that means.. You barely dress like one (plain baggy shirt, long-shorts, sandals. usual guy-stuff). He just laughed it off, then we continued watching the movie, and that was that.

But then he texted me the next morning, telling me what a metrosexual's definition was.

I replied that he couldn't seriously still be thinking about that... that it was too late for a comeback and EVEN IF he knew what the definition was, it doesn't help him one bit: pink statio + f4 hairstyle + metrosexuality still won't look good, no matter which angle you take.

then he said, nice return, but then he argued with me again, challenging me to define what a critical thinker is, even taunting me with a "debater" label (he ended his question with 'so what do you think, debater?" or something like that). Told him Ill answer his question right after our final exam in INTROSO (was studying at that time).

and thennn.. he texts even before I do, right at the scheduled dismissal of the class (we have the same sched)! DIBA?!? Obviously I was giddy at that time, although I obviously had no right to be. It's just, when your crush texts you and teases you, you have every reason to be happy right? And then we got into this boredom argument, where he says: "You debaters are boring! Are and will ever be boring!!" but it was punctuated with a smiley face... hehe. I gutsily replied: "If I'm so boring, what the hell are you doing still texting me? Hehe. Hangin, got that from you. "

waha. and then sabi n'ya, o nga no. hahaha. but then 2 txt msgs later, says "gtg tc bye"

SHIT! That really devastated me. blech. kala ko naman progress, tapos wala pala! RAWRR!

and so, Wednesday rolls by, NO TEXT. Thursday, texts me a green joke that took me 30 minutes to get. conversation lasted 2-3 text msgs only... he apparently continued to his trip in caliraya.

today, after two days of texting, he txts me asking me when our papers were due and when our exams are. after replying, he immediately cuts off the conversation with thanx!, and that's that...

ne-way, so what's my point? it's just so erratic.. I don't know what to think! maybe I shouldn't be thinking too much, maybe that's my problem. the thing is, its hard not to think soo much when its a guy you like, coz he's probably on your mind all the time anyway... right?

At least all this ranting has gotten me somewhere. it has helped me analyze that... hrm. even if he weren't texting, i'd probably still be wondering about him, and why he hasn't texted, or why his previous texts lacked smileys or had them.. or whatever silly little detail I can get my hands on.

It's just the nature of infatuation. As I told steven last night, it's not love. Far from it. I just really, REALLY like him. and I'm secretly hoping that somehow, he likes me too.

maybe its a long shot. maybe. maybe. maybe there's a chance. whatever happens, God has his reasons. bye! mom's footsteps approaching!

HE CALLED ME UP AT HOME!!! yeyeyey!

... but only to ask those darn HW questions again!!!

seriously am I going nuts? ho-hum, at least I heard his voice. IM INFATUATED, NO ONE CAN HELP MEEEE!!! AHHH!!!!!!!

duh-dee-dum. *GLEE!*

grr. i ate. again. and not just anything... i ate mango crepe and twin popsies! asdkfjgh! and I promised myself I wouldn't eat anymore.

im just getting soooo big. asdfjghl. i have to stop. i dont have any willpower. rawr.

i need to go into rehab. im a food addict. asdkfjghl. estelle diet diet diet awrawr RAWR.

** btw, dont mind me. im just ranting, and at the same time, procrastinating. i dont want to study yet.

Cute pick-up line that I picked up: "You're hot. You must be the reason for global warming." mwahehe. I'm so shallow but it's cute, ain't it? hehe.

+++

I dreamt about bboy again last night, with his not-so-new girlfriend. hehe. It was okay, didn't feel sad or depressed or angry or anything, in fact, it was just plain surprise.

In my dream, I was living in a different house... mansion-like, or at least a very, very big type. It was in the middle of the night, and I was going downstairs to get something to eat when lo and behold, upon opening the kitchen doors, only 3 things meet my sight. Bboy, His new gf, and well, chairs for both of them and a plain brown table (ok, so I counted wrong, there were 5).

So I approached them, asking bboy what they were doing at MY house. suddenly, the room brims with people, including 2 blockmates of mine who I don't really talk to (dondon & boncx). they had surprised looks on their faces when they heard me telling bboy off, so I softened my tone a little and started being nice. I remember, even though it was a dream, faking the anger, even snapping at him when he introduces her to me. I remember the hurt expression on his face, and me mellowing down in response... asking them if they wanted coffee or what have you.

somehow i felt that this was taking place not at present, but sometime in the future. I felt totally comfortable with the house, not even wondering what I was doing there (it looked SO different from the house we have now). I did feel uncomfortable though, about the big # of people gathered around my house. most were talking, some were just sitting around, and when I asked bboy who the hell those people were, he motioned for me to look outside. It was raining, and these people were seeking refuge. My house seemed totally open, since there were no gates to keep people out, plus the wind and rain were even entering through the patio. I just shrugged it off, then ushered both Bboy and his gf to one of our guestrooms where we proceeded to talk.

Bboy opens up, saying that during our time together, he was deeply hurt by my jokes that he was gay. Sometimes, he said, I sounded so serious that even other people would believe. I remember saying sorry, but thinking that it was far too much in the past to actually be worried about now. Talked to his gf, then, and had some small talk. she introduced me to someone who looked like her, and I remember being confused as to which one was which.

Can't remember the ending though, but when I woke up, I just realized how vivid the dream was. I felt as if bboy and I were really friends again, and that I've finally been formally introduced to his new love (that just sounds so cheesy mwahehe). I could even hear his voice: it sounds how it would sound in person, including the pauses and the sniffly laughs, etc. Made me think of texting him, just to ask how he is.

And then I check emode today, for my horoscope. hehe. haven't done that in ages, but sometimes I do believe in it, y'know! hehe
Here's what it says:

"You'll be more in the mood to sit and dream than take action. In fact, you'll likely feel quite sentimental -- for better or worse. Stop thinking. Contact an old lover to see how they are -- which can't be good, without you."

While I don't like the term "lover", much less old, can't help but think that this is a sign? maybe bridge gaps again?

Checked out both Bboy's and Santa's horoscopes:

BBOY's : Still flipping through scrapbooks and enjoying a trip down Memory Lane? Well, maybe -- but you'll probably quit by nightfall. At that point, it will be time to take matters into your own hands, and make that imagined reunion into a possibility -- and a reality.

SANTA's: A past relationship -- business or personal -- is about to step back into the spotlight for one last honorary mention. Stop thinking wistfully about what might have been -- even if you're looking into their eyes. Instead, think about what's possible now.

... erm, both are talking about the past. and both are kinda my past. so should I text them both? hehehe!! or should I just disregard my horoscope?! gahhh!

By the way, aholic crush shares my zodiac, sooo... we share the same horoscope. I checked our romantic compatibility though, and turns out we'd make a good couple (leo-leo). yeah! hehe. if only he checks his horoscopes out as well! hmph! but not today's, coz we have no past. just a future *hopefully mwahaha!*

ne-way, sucky sucky sucky. that's what I am. hehe. will post later. have to get working on my 2 papers, so I can go to 8 waves and celebrate my beloved cousin's debut

I can't believe this. My crush when I was still in 7th grade, who after a few years became my "kuya" called my cell just now, after a year or so without communication. He's apparently in galle and is asking if I can drop by.

Maybe I will. hehe. need to buy a gift for An anyway (oh estelle, yeah, make up an excuse) and I really want to know how he looks like now (he's 6'4, a former player for NCAA!) so... yebah. haha. i have to get dressed!

but shit! i haven't even started working on the 2 papers that I need to pass!!! damn the timing, but I'm going!

an update of my day:

didn't do any of the papers required. writing the first paragraph of the long overdue review on the lecture of Isagani R. Cruz while I type this (but of course, this tab entry is my top priority. the other is just too boring to continue).

met up with my old crush in galle, only to find out that while he's still the same hot guy as before (I couldn't help but feel conscious as I walked up to him; he had on his teasing smile... his height made him look like the basketball player that he is while his face made him seem like a filipino telenovela star **btw, just an added tidbit, ate dane didn't find him hot hehe**), his personality has changed a lot. he wasn't as sweet as he was before. in fact, he was a bit brash and erm... unrefined. he used to be such a gentleman, but just awhile ago, he was judging most of the girls walking by us as either a cutie or a wannabe. he also kept on asking me to introduce him to my girl friends, which annoyed the *expletive* hell out of me. But then again, it was nice of him to wait for my cousin to arrive, even though he had to leave for Laguna that same afternoon (his friend was itching to go, mind you. he was the only one insisting that they stay. needless to say, that made me feel a bit guilty). it was also nice of him to text me afterwards and thank me for my time... with smileys and all! hehe. but anyway, that's that. he's just my kuya, wee.

didn't follow my horoscope, didn't txt bboy or santa. didn't wan't to. hehe.

I did text assholic-crush though. he replied a one-liner "i dont know eh," : no smileys, not even a decent punctuation mark. grrr. that's why I hate texting guys first. rawr. you never know if they have enough energy to press a few buttons. grr.

Also, got lost going to Bulacan. Shiite. hehe. Not good. When you get lost in Bulacan, particularly in Hagonoy and Sta. Monica, you have a lot of narrow roads and similar-looking houses to deal with. Rawr. Hard to find your way at night.

That's about it, have to get back to my paper. Its really annoying the crap out of me... I can't seem to find the focus to finish it.

Maybe I'll play one of mico's recommended games while I write this. hehe. tough luck, estelle. don't even try. yayayay.

Agh... he's leaving for sulu sea and the TUBATHAHA reef (what a name). I won't be seeing him this Friday, nor any time soon... shit. that's a bummer.

He texted me this morning, in an urgent tone (how'd I know? His punctuation marks were exclamation points). I knew I was the only one he texted, 'coz my name was on it. hehe. He wanted to know if he can ask a very big favor from me, and if I've already left home.

I knew what the favor was, he needed a hitch. hehe. I unfortunately woke up too late for that, so by the time I responded, he was already in lasalle.

Asked a favor from him instead, if he would be kind enough to get my coursecard for me, since he's the only classmate I know that's within the area. He said Ok, but then minutes later, tells me he can't find the room, he's tired of waiting, he wants to start his summer, so can I just please text him his grade when I find out. Grrr. that just pissed me a lot, but then a consolation was that before he got tired of waiting, he texted me asking if I've passed my GENPSYC requirements already and if I'm sure about the room... and the text msg had smileys on it. weeee!

Well, anyway, its more than hours later, and I finally receive the text of our block president. I apparently gave the wrong room but the right floor. that's okay though, texted him his grade (we both got 3.0) and told him to fetch his ccard on friday, but then he replied saying that he's going to be in sulu by then.

rawr. that's sad. well, lets just hope he texts while he's there...

Belated Happy Birthday to Harris

Met up with him and steven yesterday, and I'd have to say: even if I was self-conscious during the first half, and sleepy during the second, I really did enjoy their company (but then again, I always enjoy harris' company naksss!).

We ate at Phobac, where Harris introduced me to Carrot-Pineapple juice (if you it sounds funny, wait till you get a taste) and to Phobac (beef stew). I never was good at eating properly, muchless in front of guys, muchless battling with slippery noodles, but I think I kind of managed... after much prodding from my good friend Harris. hehe. At least diba, after horribly failing the embarassing ordeal of, erm, trying to be as lady-like as possible in sipping soup and chasing after white noodles and floating beef (btw, loved the dish by the way, thanks harris , it was easier for me to tell them I had problems going down escalators as well, which, in my opinion, is also VERY, VERY embarassing for someone who's lived in manila for almost all her life. well ayun. hehe. twas fun, we spent almost 60% of our time in phobac, but not on eating, mind you (erm, while I'm a slow eater, I'm hopefully not THAT slow)... we spent it chitchatting and gossiping (nyeks) and catching up with each other's lives. Steven also analyzed our handwriting, but I think he was cheating since he already knew us a bit anyway. hehe. to his credit, however, most of the stuff he said were true. yun lang.

oh yeah, my apologies, steven is far from serious. He looks a bit snobby when not smiling, but... well, let's just put it this way: rare are those instances. so yeahh yeah, you win okay? I rarely let go of my leo's pride by admitting I'm wrong (well, I do when it's really, really obvious), but since you bribed me and harris with a really humongous toblerone bar... hehe.

Loved hanging out with you guys Next time uli!

++++++

Assholic crush won't be going to 2bathaha reefs anymore.

He forgot to take care of his school-schedule first.

Twas good that he considers asking me for school-related questions, 'coz then I wouldn't have found out that his vacation was cancelled indefinitely. hehe. whew.

Not that it matters... what good is it if he's here in Manila and yet I don't get to see him, or talk to him, anyway? Blehh. So let's just hope he still texts (and this time not about school), wherever he is.

+++++++

Starting to browse through my debate stuff again. I miss it so much, but then I can't help feeling that I deteriorated over the past few weeks. I don't feel ready for the Asians. But I have to push myself, at least this week, to get myself psyched up again. Will bring Brian's Argumentation Exercises with me... but shit. I've been trying to do the first one for almost 30 minutes, and I came up with zilch. I don't think I'm applying what he's taught us. gadkfjghslekdhf.

I hope I'll have the focus plus the drive not to give up. It's been my pattern over the years. Stumble into an obstacle, lose interest, move on. I don't want this to happen to debating. I love the Society, I owe a lot to them. Must... get... lazy ass.. moving.

NEWSFLASH!!! : Cha IS HOME! To those who don't know Cha, she's my highschool kabarkada who moved to the states right after graduation... and now SHES HOME!!! yeyeyey! she just arrived last night, just found out through email awhile ago. TOO EXCITED FOR WORDS, can't wait to see her again! yeyeyey!

Other headlines: Assholic crush texted again today, but conversation didn't really last long.

crushie: you got 'couch comando' from clueless no?
estelle: yeap! nanonood kang clueless no?! hehe!
crushie: yep, fyi
estelle: haha! taray naman ng fyi mo! sige na nga, baka nakakaistorbo pa ko! babay!
crushie: Tc, U

nothing to be proud about if you're not infatuated, but since I am... hehe.

I mean, I just mentioned the term "couch comando" to him in passing, 2 weeks ago! He sat down k'se sa lazy-boy namin, got the remote, started flipping channels, and munching down on some of our food. hehe. I told him to quit playing couch comando and start helping me with our project! hehe. To which his reply was, "couch comando? Maybe you mean couch potato!" and then I told him there was such a term, and that was that.

hehe. isn't it cute that he remembered, even after all this time? mwahaha. of course, I'm just amusing myself.

+++

Santa also texted: "I miss your company"

That just made me feel guilty. I told him, Awww.. I miss yours too. I didn't know what to say... so after exchanging pleasantries, I told him that we should go out one of these days. of course, with our usual friends. yeaap. that would be ok, right?

+++

Steven's flooding my inbox! hehe. kidding. about your hair, if you don't want me to touch it, duck! hehe. if you're not fast enough, that means your reflexes aren't good, which means constant practice (in the form of me attempting and you ducking) would improve it. tough luck for you! hehe

btw, I commented on it here because your blog always erm, hangs my comp up. always "not responding". rawr. the problem is most probably with my computer, but still. im not buying a new one just to access your page. hehe. kidddding! ill try again later.

++++

went to Bulacan, thinking of a business venture for our place in Malolos. What to do, what to do? Any suggestions?

have been playing MOTAS for the past few hours. reached the level with the chessboard (i think its level 8) but I can't get past it. I'm calling it quits for tonight, i'm really really sleepy and tired and... rawr.

currently feeling GRUMPY and FRUSTRATED.

wrote a tabulas entry about my game addiction just yesterday, and I'm disappointed to see that it didn't register. :/ well, anyway, I think that's a good thing, 'coz I don't want to let the whole world know just how big of a loser I am hehehe. so let's skip that part.

Currently in a dilemma. Computed the amount of pesos I'll be needing for the Asians Reg fee ($160). I already have 6,000 saved (it used to be 7,000 but I had to use 1,000 for an emergency bday thingy) + 2,000 that my mom gave me for shopping money (shopping can be postponed, right?) which only gives me 8,000. I think 160 converted is 8,960, meaning I lack a thousand more.

I have 4 options, which I don't really want to resort to:

a. get the P2,000 that bboy (erm my ex) borrowed from me last year for their recording. the problem is, 1st, if he'll still remember it and 2nd, how the hell do I get it from him? Meet him up in Taft? Hmm. That would be ok, BUT REALLY REALLY AWKWARD.

b. get the P1,000 that diana owes me. but then, i don't even know if she remembers that I payed for her (since I only found out from a 3rd person that she wasn't able to pay yet, then I covered for her muna) and 2nd, since we're not super duper close, I don't know how to tell her I need the money

c. get the P1,500 that someone else owes me, but that was from years ago, and it was to cover her mom's hospital bill. that would just be plain cruel, so I'm crossing this one out.

d. erm, nevermind. its also about getting money from somebody, but he also needs it. hehe. i'll leave him be for the meantime.

I mean, this is really hard for me, because I usually lend money without expecting its return. If you give it back to me, yey. If not, I'll understand and probably forget about it, just as long as its not as big as 5k or something.

I just feel weird having to scrounge around for money. and I'm seriously wondering if I should be going to this trip anyway. I mean, its a good investment for my debating skills, but my mom's having trouble paying for my tuition as it is, paano pa kaya ang trip to Bangkok?

My tita's willing to have my plane ticket on installment, even give it a big discount, but of course I still have to have around $200 for spending money, or else it wouldn't be fun (hehe). askdjfghl. maybe that's just the spoiled brat in me that's talking (although I'm not really spoiled, just loved hehe)... or maybe my pragmatic self (if I have one). Either way, first things first, complete that $160 dude!! deadline's on tuesday!

... not to mention the speeches, the book report and the grammar book deadline (also tuesday), been working on it, but maybe it wasn't as easy as I thought it would be. Should have devoted more time to it than dividing my spare time between writing speeches and playing silly adventure games. hehe.

+++

on other news, my highschool barkada spent the whole day here that was nice... hayy, miss them a lot.

I am fortunate to have a barkada that managed to remain strong friends even after HS. I mean, it feels as if we didn't even leave high school, as if this is just summer vacation meaning we don't get to hang out with each other more.

We all had our stories to tell. Apparently, their lovelives are blossoming. hehe. Mine isn't really going anywhere, but I think somehow it exists, if only for previous crushes and present crushes still making contact (btw, one of my previous crushes just asked if we could jam at my house sometime. goody. hehe.

In connection with that, just yesterday, my crush called. yeah, the asshole, he called. he called to talk about nothing! As in, he was like, "oy" and I was like "oy, yeah, what do you want?" hehehe. It just so happened that he had bad timing! I mean, I like him and all, but I had a game to play!

Well, a bit of small talk. how was my grades? erm, I didn't get them, too busy playing MOTAS to even care. how was his grades? He didn't get them, too busy being lazy to even care. Told him I've been playing the game since the day before, and he warned me about getting addicted (he said it makes people dumber--surprising for a guy, ain't it?). Told him it's intellectually enriching, what with the puzzles and all. He countered, you want an intellectually enriching game? Try Minesweeper.

Minesweeper. Geez. Yeah, that will make someone smart. hehe.

Okay, okay, maybe it does *a little*, but after a while you really have no option but to guess. How smart can that be when its actually related to luck?

Well, just proof of how much I like him, I actually stayed to talk to him for about 15 minutes even though I was really itching to get back to my game.

To prove, however, that I'm actually SOOO game crazy, I told him to call some other time so I could finish my game--this was when he started talking about his gorgeous paulinian crush and her gorgeous paulinian friends and I just couldn't take it anymore. When he pleaded and argued with me about the importance of my game, I told him to call them instead. To which his reply was, "cge naa wag na muna... hm. pero good idea ha! o cge, bye!" ASDFGH. Asshole. hehe.

++++

my arms hurt from typing already. please pray that neither steven nor I willfail any subject. rawr. i feel danger lurking in the corner, but faith will save me, faith always has

love you Lord!!! ...although 'di ako nagsimba ngayon. hehe. naiintindihan nyo naman diba? yeahhh!

I owe Steven a chocolate bar, not for unsolicited advertising, but for a nice testimonial. hehe. thanks. touching, even with the teasing and all. Why the hell would you call me ESTELLE WOODS?!?!?! rawr. hehe. Thanks.

+++

Spent yesterday just hanging out and talking with 3 important friends whom I usually don't have the luxury of seeing.

One was Cita, who's also in Tab (but I can't remember her username, sorry dearie). Spent a pleasant afternoon with her just strolling around LaSalle, even passing by our school's museum containing paintings by Amorsolo, Bencab, Malang--all in all amounting to 400 million pesos (sana pang-asians nlng)! Talked about her crushes, talked about my crushes, talked about almost everything under the sun. 'twas fun. Thanks hun!

Then, as I was on my way to RP to meet Steven and Harris, bumped into Dianne (my partner in debates) and Kuya John. Started catching up with what's going on with each other, asking about each other's grades and all. Oh, btw... I PASSED EVERYTHING! Yey.

Here are my grades:

INTROSO 2.5
ENGLART 2.0 (weee! I thought I was going to fail this one, incomplete requirements!)
INERSCI 3.0 (weeee! this was my first subject in class, meaning excess absences. buti na lang the teacher didn't hold that against me! )
INERSLA 2.5
GENPSYC 3.5 (my highest! the subject where I failed to attend my finals! hehe. but wrote a paper and an apology letter instead, yey, so maybe that helped
JPRIZAL 3.0
FILIPI 2.0

and.... ROTC 1.0!!! I AM SO HAPPY JUST TO PLAIN PASS! I don't care if its nearly failing!! It's not counted in the computation of the CGPA anyway! hehe weeeeee. at least I don't have to repeat ROTC again, except for the fact that it has to be taken in 2 terms *bummer*.

These grades are normally nothing to be proud about, but if you guys only knew how much I screwed up this term, you'd think it's a miracle I even passed.

Imagine, all late papers for FILIPI2 (my luck the teacher accepts late papers), with the final paper being 2 weeks late?! Excess absences for INERSCI and GENPSYC (since they were my 2 early classes. 9 a.m. being too early already for me). INTROSO, I can't get though. I think I should've gotten higher, given our "passionate" report (the exact comment of the teacher) + my above average grades in quizzes and tests. But I don't care, I'm not chasing after that particular grade. Might've been caused by excess absences as well. :/

Thanks Lord, I passed, I passed, I passed! Knew you wouldn't let me down! weee!

+++

So anyway, spent the rest of the day with Harris and Steven at RP. Steven was there first, didn't recognize him because of his remarkably casual clothing. Now he's not Steven the metrosexual, but rather, Steven the Kid. hehehe. Yaiiiks.

So we talked, and talked, and talked from 5 - 9 pm. hehe. I feel totally at ease with them now, to the point that I don't really care for awkward silences anymore. I can even sleep or space out in front of them, I feel like we're that close! Of course, Steven will again disagree, he always does. hehe. he'll probably label me as an "acquaintance"--no longer a stranger, but still not a friend. *sigh*, at least I'm moving up his hierarchy. hehehe. and at least he again bribed us with some chocolate. haha. serious(ly) Steven, that was nice of you. wahaha. tenchu. you're going to make me a chocoholic one of these days. rawr. the addictions that tabulas brings.

okay, gotta go now. have to round up everything I can sell to a junkyard to get extra cash (hahaha! the things I'd do for Asians. ), have to sign that contract and fax it, finish these speeches, deliver them to T.L., and then try and catch up with my friend Ogge at Habitat For Humanity in Taguig. wheeeew.

Remember my lolo's jingle from before, the V-I-C-T-O-R-Y jingle ('te dane, an, u know what I'm talking about ) Back then, jingles weren't remakes of stupid cheesy novelty songs and jingles didn't all sound alike. They were original, made especially for the candidates. I miss those days... I miss my lolo. hehe.

++++

Well, ne-way, the reason why I thought of that campaign jingle was precisely because of my V-I-C-T-O-R-Y (oooh my weird train of thought)--- I won a Blink 182 CD from the YEHEY! promo that I joined just for fun.

So now, I'm joining all sorts of promos. haha. I referred 3 friends for the E2buy thing, where the prize is a kodak digicam. I'm also entering contests of axn and what have you. hehe. Who knows, might just win

++++

Watched Amelie for the nth time awhile ago, but this time, I finished it! (used to fall asleep before the 1st disc was over). Well, I'm glad I finished it this time 'coz it's JUST, SO, SWEET!

I wish I had Amelie's imagination. Well... erm, I don't really want to go all mental, but I loved the way the movie emphasized the really simple joys in life, like how a person could just love the act of cracking a creme brulee (?) with a teaspoon, or popping bubblewrap (which I love doing). Plus, I really liked how she managed to catch the dreamer guy's attention, all the clues she left him... and how she changed the lives of the people around her, without them even knowing it... awww.

Definitely one of the most original, heartwarming movies I've seen. If you're like me, though, it will probably bore you the first few parts, but stick it out. hehe. it gets better.

++++

texted bboy btw. he said he'll give me the money by friday, he's in Bohol. yeyeyey. At least I got it over with, plus, it wasn't all that bad. we texted with smileys. hehe. why does my gauge have to ALWAYS be about smileys?

++++

asshole texted. asking for a favor, AGAIN. hehe. well, didn't grant him this one. called him "yabang" (boastful) as well. totoo naman eh. hehe. pero added "joke" at the end of the sentence, since I was just teasing him anyway.

++++

am turning into a chocoholic. si steven k'se eh! recently, Cha (my friend who's visiting from the states) gave me this bag of hershey's choco-almond nuggets, and just tonight, my lola (who also came from the US) gave me almond rocha something. seriously want to share it with harris and steven (although it's not a lot), but then steven's working and harris is in summer school and my summer training starts tomorrow, so... :/ too bad. guysss kelan uli tayo aalis? hahaha. miss you olredi (my, so soon!)! haha. sigeeeh. have to work on something pa. like promos and shit. hehe.

++++

btw!!! saw outer limits just before I started writing this, and mannn was it freaky. a kid discovered how to make a cold fusion bomb, and... basta. just a scary idea. :/ the world is already dangerous enough as it is...

I'm scared.

Not only am I SUPER late for training, but I also have only 1 written speech to show up for 2 weeks?!

I'm disappointed in myself for slacking off this much, but I have to face the consequences of my laziness.

**phone rings, ahole calls**

tss. m back. hehe. yeah. well. eep. maybe this will help me mature. im scared. yeaiks. help me.

Have been looking for 2 things the past few days. Luckily, I found both. Whew!

1. Paul Krugman's Pop Internationalism (the book that T.L. lent me.) - I knew I didn't lose it because I refused to bring it out of the house, for fear of, well, yeah, losing it. hehe. But when a whole day of searching turned up nothing, I have to admit, I panicked. I distinctly remember just putting it at my bedside table, so that I'd be reminded to read it whenever I go to bed/watch tv. Well anyway, turns out my mom borrowed it for awhile. she'll return it daw tonight. what a relief.

2. my IIDC notes!! yey! I found them all! problem is, since our team didn't break (hehe) and I was late for the first post-break round, I dunno the motion for that one... eeeps. I think it had something to do with partylist systems? neone who knows the exact wording??

I'm glad to be back in debating again. Hung out with T.L, Nissy and Eric E. awhile ago... the debsoc bigwigs. hehe. Quite intimidating to be the only fresher, especially since they were talking about administrative stuff, but they all made me feel welcome and at ease. That's why I love them so much. hehe. wala lang. Was a happy day.

Apologized to T.L. for the incomplete requirements. Told me it's okay, but that I'll still have to finish it, even little by little. I am planning to finish a speech everyday, and that's precisely what I'm going to do after I end this tab entry. I'm renewing my commitment to the debate society. I will slack off no more. Excited for the training tomorrow, I do hope a lot of people will attend!

++++

Aside from renewing my commitment to debsoc, I'm also renewing my commitment to get myself rich. Any suggestions? I have a plan: save exponentially and consistently, invest (i'm setting my eyes on a nacho king franchise. P21,000 lang. pero. erm. i dunno what other costs I'll need. hehe. have to think this throughhhh!) and... uhm, sell all unnecessary stuff here at home. hehehe.

I need to start learning how to manage my time and money, so that when I graduate, I'll be able to help mom kagad. I'm a good daughter, see? hehe. wee! just love my mom so much haha i'm such a nerd.

++++

got 2 new testimonials to approve awhile ago. :D that was fun! hehe. i love getting testimonials, especially if they're unsolicited. sincere, baga. the two I got were from friends who've already written me testimonials in the past, so... just makes me feel all nice and happy, knowing that I pop into their mind now and then. hehe. yeyey.

++++

i keep on forgetting what I'm supposed to write. I know it's important. Bummer. OH YEAH! I deleted A LOT of #s from my phonebook awhile ago. release. yey! deleted even important people from the music scene, y'know "contacts" for gigs and stuff. I just don't feel its right for them to be in my phonebook. hehe. just went with the guts. was surprised to find a lot of strangers in my phonebook. deleted them immediately. yeyeyey. i now have 68 free spaces in my sim (used to have none. hehe.) yahoo!

that's it for now. hehe. have to work on my speeches now, yey!

Debated again for the first time in weeks.

It was nerve-wracking.

I stuttered, I rambled, I stuttered some more. I had lots of grammatical mistakes (because of nervousness) and lost a lot of the momentum I THOUGHT I gained after the disastrous results of our IIDC run (3-4. bummer. hehe). RAWRRRRRR.

But that's o-kay. Just makes me want to try even harder.

T.L. commended my rebuttals, but commented on my argumentation for points of improvement. Will try my best to make her & the rest of the team proud tomorrow.

+++

Meeting tomorrow with Sir Miguel, 9 am LS bldg conf B (just in case any dlsu debsoc person is reading this right now and would like to go). Free food people. hehe. but of course, that's not why we're going After that, training 1 pm onwards. Am excited, although partly worried that I might not make it to school on time. Still have to continue writing a speech and research on tomorrow's topic. yaiiks.

+++

Watched "Life After Baywatch" just awhile ago. Intriguing at first, but got a bit boring towards the end. So that's how big stars fade. Also watched "Ang Boyfriend Ko" for sometime, waiting for my friend to appear (he's supposedly there), but even my love for him couldn't persuade me to sit through the whole show. it was just too boring and pretentious. hehe. sorry.

wazzup wazzup was also disappointing. rawr. or maybe i'm just not into local stuff.

+++

have to work on my speeches. hayayay. got another testimonial from Chars... definitely a surprise! sweet naman n'ya. oh well. hehe. coolness!! i've been receiving testimonials for the past few days without even asking. hehe. yeyey. okay. have to go work on my speeches now.

Tomorrow - debate training; hs barkada sleepover (haven't asked permission yet)

Saturday - Soleil's debut. I wonder what I'll wear, and I wonder what I'll give to her as a gift? hmm...

BTW heard "the end is the beginning is the end" awhile ago on the radio! MY GOD, I was still in grade 5 when I fell in love with that song. hehe. texted NU with gratitude, and Francis Brew mentioned my name. wahe. well, yeah, that's no biggie right? hehe. but if he only knew how he brought back my childhood memories by playing that song... waha. I was the only one insisting to dance to a smashing pumpkins song during p.e. class. the rest wanted code red, 911 and backstreet boys. realized that "the end.." isn't really for dancing, so we ended up 'grooving' to "missing you" or something like that. yaiiks. trauma. okei bye!

I am nervous, again.

I have this deal with Nomad Sports Club that Splitcide CAN play on April 30, and I already gave my word that we WILL NOT back out.

Good thing I didn't sign the contract yet, or else I'm screwed.

Talked with Camille and got 2 bands from her instead, but I don't know if the manager of Nomads would mind. She might not think my word now is worth much. :/

Oh well. Situations like these will make me stronger. Maybe 10 years from now, phone calls like these won't be a big deal (compared to other problems I might be going through.

+++

Wrote a speech for debate, and I don't think it's good. Hayay. I don't want to disappoint T.L. with bad speeches, but I'll just have to pass them anyway. She'll point out certain areas where I can improve anyway, so maybe that will help me edit it out. Rarar. Haven't even edited the speech Brian gave back to me. Will have to add that to my to-do-list.

After debate, it's debut time! Yeap, its the same debut Eternal_circle will be going to, precisely 'coz we're blockmates and we almost share the same circle of friends. I feel like I'm missing a link in my reasoning, but who cares. hehe. Hey jp, you have a gift already?? I still have none! Don't even know what I'm going to wear. Won't go to a parlor na, sayang lang pera. haha. People see me in school almost everyday anyway. They know how sabog I am. hehe. Conyo Talk. Estelle, no! bad. hehe.

+++

ho-hum. just realized how long a minute can be. people keep on saying that time moves so fast, but try writing down a speech that's supposed to equal exactly 7 minutes. I've reached 3 pages (singlespace), and yet when I say it out loud it only amounts to 4 minutes and 30 seconds. Add points of information and that still won't lessen the time. those 4 minutes and 30 seconds already include set-up, plus summary! *groan* I don't know what I'll type to lengthen it, but I'll have to try. hehe.

as for Maik's question, debate training went well, actually. I felt myself improve just after 1 session. I'm still stuttering (I usually don't, but these days I'm extra nervous, I dont know why), but at least my speeches are now more coherent than the other day. hehe. I was also proud with some of my rebuttals, 'coz they merited an A from T.L. (our president, my idol) and from some of the other people present yesterday. Never got all A's though, so will have to work on that.

I missed debating so much. hehehe. I'm still scared and nervous, but T.L. was right. It's okay to be vulnerable, in fact, it's good to be. It rids you of complacency and fuels your desire to improve. Too much, though, and it will also sap you of your self-confidence. So... have to make sure I'm somewhere in between.

++++

Where the hell is my driver? I want to go train. NOW. *grumble*

watched a KNP rally last night... made me feel like a kid again.

hehe. most of you might be wondering where the hell the connection is, but suffice it to say that campaigning has played a large part in my childhood, kind of like what summer camps are to american kids, happening 3 years in between.

I miss having those brightly colored vests, and handing out calendars and leaflets to the sometimes bored, sometimes too enthusiastic audience. I miss the stickers, the gun-tackers, the gaw-gaw, the people that came along with it. hehe.

At times I'd admit it would get boring--the long waits, the hot sun, the tiring trips--but it was all worth it when the rallies started and the people are pooling around you. it was all worth it to see the people, both politicians and actors alike, you see on tv, in the flesh, right there in front of you in all their human vulnerabilities. It might not seem that obvious on-stage, but wait 'till you're with them behind the scenes. hehe. coolness.

Just yesterday, we met with Senator Herrera just before he entered Tabang going to Malolos. We had to escort him inside for fear that he'd get lost on his way to the knp rally. Had the opportunity to chat with him for awhile, and realize that while I have grown from the little kid who used to ask him for Christmas money to the 18-year-old that I am today, he didn't seem to have changed or aged one bit. Weird. hehe.

So anyway, went with him to a small get-together in Paombong at the house of Ka-Doning, who apparently was the leading candidate for Vice Mayor! Honestly didn't know that, just thought of him as the giver of Monet (he gave us a mini-pinscher for a gift) and the keeper of the ducks (he offered to take care of the ducks while we had our small garden renovated), never knowing that I'll see his picture plastered on many of Paombong's walls. hehe. Coolness. So yeah, (former) senator herrera spoke in front of a largely drunken crowd, and I got to see how campaigns really were in just one night: travel a hundred miles to a remote area and speak your heart out with the time you're given. Nevermind if it's a 15-minute speech to several drunken people, or a 2-minute speech to sober thousands--just smile, speak, and hope that they'll remember you come elections day. I can't imagine myself doing that.

Tried "campaigning" myself, yesterday. While I was chitchatting with my cousin backstage, we spoke to a couple of FPJPM volunteers: Marina and Gwendyn. Tried to mingle a bit, see how it was to convince someone to vote for a candidate. It wasn't as good an exercise as I thought it would be: 1) they weren't from the same district as the candidate we were campaigning for and 2) they were convinced he'll win anyway. hehe. so... yeah. but we did get a promise from them that they'd tell all their relatives in District 1 to support us.

Learned to love Bulacan a bit more that night... but then again maybe not, 'coz the long trip back gave me a migraine. :/ but seriously, when I get rich, I'll want to buy a house in Hagonoy, or maybe in Malolos. The problem that I have to solve first though is: how do I get rich? Groan.

+++

I LOST $200!!!!! plus a bunch of other stuff. like a videocam. like 400 pesos. like some of my clothes, and even my favorite bally shoes.

and I didn't really LOSE it, someone STOLE it. and the person they're accusing, is someone really close to my heart.

I just can't believe she'd do something like that, although all the evidence right now is pointing to her.

and no, it's not my mother. hehe. it's my long-time yaya, who left after getting preggy with the neighbor's driver (yup. it happens to everyone). hayayay. sana naman hindi siya yung kumuha. sana namisplace lang.

ASIANS, ASIANS. should I still go?

++++

planned for the future of DEBSOC awhile ago. it was fun, but gruelling work. I suck at foresight. I suck at planning. Bye-bye business-ideas. I'll be doomed as an ordinary 9-5er (sorry steven. haha! kidding!)

ooooh, guess what? Niss and Eric C. drew up a tentative EB (Eric E. approved it, but I don't know what T.L. and Sir Migs will say), and I'm includeeed! I'm the VP for Externals! yeyey! But again, that's still tentative. I'm happy that they even thought of me though, even if, erm, one of their criteria was voice-volume. hehe. yaiiks. oh well. never-the-mind. basta, am a happy kid for now.

will have to work on our publicity job for now. have to look at online templates, plus have to research on certain topics that will be debated this week. have to write iidc speeches as well. hayay. hehe. lots of work, but still lots of time. bey!

I'm feeling giddy again. Wahaha.

The Ahole messaged, but yeah, didn't budge. I'm not willing to enslave myself for him just because I find him a bit cute. He texted last night, but I cut it short since I was talking to someone on the phone and it was a bit distracting. Plus, he started gabbing about that stupid crushie of his again. Didn't care 'bout that topic one bit.
Hehe.

Oh well. Have 2 crushies right now, but then I can't really elaborate 'coz some of you might know them (in fact, some of you are guaranteed to know them). Only problem I have is, they're both crushing on someone else, sooo. yeah. g'luck Estelle. wahaha. Okay lang, crush lang naman eh Yey. Rationalizing again.

+++

steven, don't know how to upload Icons, forgot how to. paano nga uli? and what are buffer overflows? are they preventable through careful programming? okidokies.

KINIKILIG AKOOOOOH. wah.. I'm back to being pathetic.

Happy Batugan?

Hehe.

I'm bored. Have nothing to do.

+++

Went to training again awhile ago, just had thinking exercises. Ate at Garaje for the first time, at Rannel's behest. He treated me and Denise to sumptious halo-halo. Yumm.

New Rule in debsoc: no more speaking in Tagalog. A bit hard. I'm already running out of adjectives.

On the upside--less jokes and unrelated, long-winding stories. It's harder to deliver a punchline if you're still translating it in your head.

That's it. I'm bored. I'm heading on up. Bye!