Sira ka Talaga! :)

Yesterday, I was quietly cursing because I couldn't connect. Now I understand the reason why.

Cryptic it might sound to you, but I believe that everything happens for a reason. The reason, I think, why I was only able to go online right now was because if I had logged on yesterday, my title would have been "Heartbreak" and not "Victory!".

Yes, DLSU wasn't able to defend the IIDC Championship.

Yes, DLSU-A didn't even make it to the semi-finals.

Yes, our team, DLSU-D... as well as all other DLSU-contingents aside from De La Salle A... were eliminated.

Yes.... it was pure heartbreak.

Yes-terday (wahaha).. I was crying while we prayed at the "circle" (harris y'know what I'm talking about ) Most were crying with me. Brian voiced out the question we were all asking within us-- "Why am I here? What will I do next?". T.L. asked another... "Why, Lord, do we have to pray before we win? How come to others it seems so effortless, for us it seems nothing short of a miracle is needed?" We were all tired and frustrated. It was just sooo hard. I voiced it out, the first fresher to speak inside the circle at that particular time. I told them about my mixed emotions, mostly of apprehension. I was scared knowing that next year, T.L., Steph, and our other mentors are leaving us. Next year, we'll be the juniors, we'll be expected to carry that flag, to carry the Lasallian way. Next year, there'll be a new flock of young ones to teach. We have to be prepared, we have to make ourselves worthy. But how?

I've heard the same comments again and again from different adjudicators. "Good manner, Matter is okay. Just substantiate more, give more analysis." At the end of the day, I keep on wracking my head. How exactly do you prove that newspapers are biased? It's obvious, you know it is true. You know that money exchanges hands behind the scenes, that press releases are paid in the form of Christmas gifts and backdoor favors. You do know, don't you? But you have to prove it. Prove it against "multiperspectivity", the paradigm of FEU-A, wherein you see a constant rotation of personages and topics that are dealt with in the news. Substantiate and analyze also, how... National unity can be achieved with Erap's pardon. Must've been a lousy set-up from us, but a better team could've proven such an elementary argument.

Until now, I'm still running arguments in my head. What I should've said, what I should've done. I ranked #61, a vast improvement from my 90s range during the NDC, but a long way to go from top 10. T.L. was the best speaker, #1 out of 189 debaters. Steph Tan was 2nd, Migs was 5th. They topped Jess Lopez (rank 7), Leloy, Maddie. They topped Carl Ng, sincerely one of my idols. Truly an inspiration to all of us...

T.L. won Miss Congeniality. She might not have defended the IIDC championship... but she did defend this award. It's her 2nd time in a row to win this particular award... at the very same year when she reaches the top speaker rank for the very first time.

2 Lasallian finalists for the Public Speaking round. Jon and Joel, both from Benilde, making us proud. Though they did not win, they deserved to be in the finals round, and whoever won (a guy from MMSU) did deserve that cash prize. There is indeed justice in the world.

What first started out as heartbreak turned to victory overnight, with the power of our Lord. It was simply a long shot that T.L. would get top rank, considering they didn't even make it to the semis. It was difficult too, for De La Salle to gather the recognition it is receiving now. Let's just hope that when the fire is passed on to us, we will not let it die out.

Thank you Lord.

Choose life, Choose debate. ANIMO LASALLE!!!!!!!!!!

++++++++++++++++++++

Today, Feb. 3, was my Lolo's birthday.

I dressed all in white for him today, tried to look my best. Went to POEA, apparently a building was being named after him...

I didn't see my family much... We didn't have a fancy celebration, nor a big get-together..

Or probably it was just because I wasn't able to get out of bed in time for the 8 a.m. mass.

Thing is... I thought this day would be a bit more special for him. Like every year, it would be at Manila Hotel or someplace fancy, with the likes of Freddie Aguilar or Aiza Seguerra singing for him.

It's just a big change.

It's never too late though. Even though it's 12 a.m., and the day has passed... there will always be time to celebrate.

Love you Lolo. This one's for you.

++++++++

Met Harris the other day. Definitely one of my highlights. Thanks for watching me scream and lose my voice shouting at poor highschool students. Hehe. I'll try to keep it down next time Hope to hang out with you again.

I've just realized that the reason why I have small eyes is not because I have hidden chinese lineage, but because I read, watch, and go online too much.

When I woke up this morning, I tuned in to CNN. Got bored with the Coverage of the American Primaries, resorted to reading. Thrashed Norman Mailer's "Why are we at war?"... it's more of groundless opinion than it is substantive reading (if you liked his book, sue me. Imagine him saying that the reason why anti-americanism sentiments exists is because of global envy. Simplistic and quite a bit arrogant. It goes deeper than that, methinks). Got bored, read through my IIDC (Inquirer Inter-Collegiate Debating Championships) notes... re-wrote some of my cases.. Got bored once again.

Everything's just so boring.

Even Fear Factor is now boring. Grarrr.

The very fact that I dedicated a whole blog-entry just for ranting about boredom tells you how bored I am.

I guess I'm just restless after the excitement of the long weekend (if you can call it that). Now I have no night-training to go to (we were kicked out of the batcave, our debate-hideout, because of COMELEC)... No competition to prepare for, Nothing to be nervous about. School is my only priority, but school's out--It's boring as well.
I know I told myself I will never be one of those boring people who make debating their lives, but I think I'm slowly turning into one of them.

It's not by choice, really. This is really the way I am. I get excited, hold on to something for a year or so, and then let go. I just hope I hold on long enough to be able to be at my best when the next IIDC rolls around. We must defend the top spot. *dream on estelle*

Anyway, what started out as ranting because of tired eyes now turned into debating dreams. In one year, I fully intend to break in the IIDC octos, quarters and semis. I intend to move up the speaker rankings, to know the strategies, know the topics, know even theatrics. 1 year. Can I do it? Rararararar.

Pointless ramblings, hopeful dreamings. I should probably resume reading free Economist articles now. Byee.

I'm making 20 bibliography cards, all about Israel & Palestine. Will write a preliminary outline for my paper, and a thesis sentence as well. My topic is the Geneva Accord as a solution to the Israel-Palestine conflict. Why oh why didn't I choose an easier topic?

Aside from that, have to finish a buod or summary of the film Crying Ladies. I have a vague understanding of the simplistic story line (about 3 women trying to make a living by being paid "cryers" in a Chinese funeral) but I still have a lot of blanks to fill in, particularly their names. I can only remember Doray as Hilda Coronel. I can't even remember Sharon Cuneta's screen name.

Good thing I wrote my sociology paper last night already. 2 pages, an okay job for a rushed one. I was getting sleepy last night, good thing Harris called, it did wake me up (thanks dude!).

Have to pass my UNIV reply slip, if ever they'd still accept me. If they don't, it's my loss, but it's my fate as well. Everything happens for a reason. If it doesn't push through, it wasn't meant to be. Maybe I'm just making excuses, maybe I'm just too scared to admit that reality is in my own hands. But fate is a comfort, and I believe anything less than fate wouldn't be able to explain my good luck & opportunities. Or maybe it's just good fortune... God knows I don't work that hard.

ROTC blues. Saturday has never been this dreadful for me. I used to look forward to Saturdays, now I detest it. I have to wear Navy Fatigues this saturday... and to top that, I only have 4 demerits left and 0 attendance on my belt. Will they ever let me in Navi? I hope so. They're the ones who check attendance. If I get enough buddies inside, maybe they can sign for me. hehe.

Sneaky,Sneaky.

Life is a game of strategy. Sometimes you lose, sometimes you win. Depends on how you play. Hehehe. What a sucky analogy.

I love life. I miss my cousins. I miss Lolo. I miss a tall, dark... glass of hot chocolate. haha. ang labo.

Bleeeeep. It's no longer Christmastime, if you know what I'm talking about. Babayoo! Back to work.

damn. I can't connect at home so I have to write my innermost thoughts in the midst of all these people checking their friendster accounts.

bleh.

I'll keep this short and simple thennn:

* with Valentine's day one week away, I'm getting a bit more lonely. Yeeeech. Thinking about b.boy again, but that's not helping. Santa's fading out, and I don't want to force it just 'coz it's the month of hearts + the month of heightened rejection. I'll just spend v-day with other singles like me. Let's partyyyyyyy!!! ... and eat tons of ice cream.

* found one good reason for ROTC: guys look so much cuter when in uniform. hehe. That's one proof that I'm no lesbo. hahaha! I like the medics, even though they look like Bowser.

* Slept the whole day yesterday. I felt like I wasted time doing nothing... but it also felt great. I just realized how much I needed and really loved sleep. *sigh* I want to sleep right now.

* A week without debate training is a week that's B-O-R-I-N-G. I love the Debate Society. I'll spend the week missing it so that my passion for debating will be further spurred.

* Gaining weight... a LOT A LOT. I'm itching to tell you my waistline, but then that would be like a middle-aged woman admitting her age. My God my waist is as big as my tita's. That's as bad as it gets. I want to stop eating but I can't. Food abounds. I just love food. And I betcha I'll be eating non-stop this week to forget that I was rejected 4 months ago and I'm still not over it.

* What I'm wearing is hot. No, not hot as in it makes me look hot but rather HOT as in FLAMING HOT as in I feel like I'm being microwaved alive hot. Bleh. Me and my weird choice of clothes. Sometimes it's just not right for the weather.

Will watch A TALE OF TWO SISTERS after these 5 minutes on the comp. I just can't wait for the time when I'll actually get tired of these Japanese horror movies with subtitles.

Will be with ate dane and faith, my two cool cousins. I miss them.

Watched Mona Lisa Smile last night and it made me think. Thanks to mikebeltran for recommending it and thanks to my mom for forcing me to see it. Wowowow. I feel like that chubby girl in the film. The nerd-guy she got was cute. hehe. Okay. I'll leave now. Bye!

GAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

Hehe. I like this asswipe guy. haha. Everyone hates his guts but I find him a bit interesting. hehe. I'm wondering how he got so pissed with the world (and I secretly want to change him). Bleh. hehe. There's got to be some good left inside of every body.

Santa just texted. he apologized for acting differently and promised to act nice again. I don't understand. Last time I checked, I was the one being mean. Is this reverse psychology? hehe. Man. I don't know how to reply. Good thing I have no more load. wahaha.

Been thinking of whether or not I should text this guy I met in debate. hehe. Met him during the NDC, he asked for my number during IVs, texted me once, never texted again. Grrr. Saw him again during IIDC and he told me I looked cute. bleh. I wanted to say the same. haha. Leo's thirst for praise comes into play again. I'm sure it's just the usual guy's wordplay, but that's okay. It worked well. Piqued my interest. But that's that, I've decided NO. I'm not that pathetic. Hehe. He'll text if he wants to.

BLEHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. I'm just a pathetic lonely loser. hehe. As of right now, though. Usually these fits go away. It's annoying how you'll be perfectly fine one moment, and totally down in the dumps the next. It's like a pendulum, swing-swing, up and down and round-about. I hate it but I love the way it makes life much more interesting.

Savor the pain. One day you'll be thankful for the growth it brings.

A lot of places one can go to this weekend. I honestly want to check out Baywalk this friday for the record-breaking lip-locking session. Hehe. I know this might surprise some of you, especially those who know me well, but I've never seen a guiness record broken before... LIVE. Plus, it's always nice to see something different... and weird. I will fulfill my duties though and I will go to UP for Splitcide's gig. I'm such a good "mom". haha. I'm even thinking of foregoing a weekend at Mindanao for the debate society just so I can take care of them at a gig in Taft. Rar. Still thinking though. =P need to think fast, I have to ask permission.

A tale of two sisters was BORING. Nice poster, horrible movie. I think I'm nearly sick of all those jap "horror" films. But I just have to watch THE WISHING STAIRS right before I give them a rest. hehe. Maybe it's the horror flick I've actually been looking for. Maybe, Maybe not.
Que Sera, Sera. Let's just see.

Its my moms bday, but somehow I can't fixate on that.

My darn driver came late, and I have now missed my make-up exam.

GRRRRRR. I hate it.

I doubt if my teacher would believe that my car broke down again. BLEAsdkfjaga;ksdjfgh!

Here I am, still typing instead of going to school. I guess I'm not that enthusiastic to go after all. Besides, I only have 1 subject left to waste.

BLEH.

Will go though. Don't want to let down my mom. She's paying a hefty price for my college education and it would be a shame if I wouldn't go just because I got pissed with the driver.

Ted (my driver) is the best anyway. he's usually not late... I am. hehe. it's just.. why now out of all the days to pick from?!?!

blehh. blehh. blehh.

HAPPY BDAY MOM. *grumble*

My grammar is deteriorating, my grades are deteriorating, I am deteriorating. Someone help me.

I woke up with a bigger waistline and a nasty head-ache from too much eating last night (my mom had a party at home. coolness! chinese food galore ). I texted Santa a message that I now regret, God help me. I took a long time dressing up, Ted is now here, and I'm still not ready to leave (I have 2 papers for FILIPI to cram, 5 bibliographies to make and 10 sociology surveys to fake). S-H-I-T.

I like what I'm wearing though. My pixie skirt, tie-dye shirt and my white mascara that's not even noticeable. Bleh. My wierd clothes uplift me, but today it's not enough.

I have to get started on that paper, but I'm too lazy to do so. Patapon na buhay ko!!!

I'm happy about something though. Faith gave me a present last night... a picture of me and my cousin Diana embedded in a plaster-of-paris paperweight. Wee. Surprising bursts of sweetness always makes me smile.

Also, it's good to be a little bit known. wahehe. I know I'll sound like I'm full of myself, but sometimes I just need to be. From that outcasted 5th grader I now have lotsa friends and lots more to make. wee wee wee. revenge for those gradeschool bullies who always made me cry! There is justice in this world!! I am an outcast no more!!

I just love the world. But I still hate myself a little. RARARAR. I could just be the female counterpart of Juan tamad. and I'm not that proud of it :/

Last night I was so depressed.

A while ago I was so happy.

Now I'm just plain numb. Hehehe.

++++

Gravel on your mouth. The texture
so extremely rough, the taste
so metallic and of dirt. Its raw,
much like that open wound and
gross just like yourself.

-- wrote that last night and sent it to a few of my friends. That was how depressed I was. hehe. What made me wallow deeper in depression was the fact that there was just no one I could call. No one.

I started ticking names off my head. I call alot of people "bestfriends" but somehow, it just doesn't feel that way. I tried calling Debbie, line was busy. Cams... I knew she'd be home and that she'd listen to me, but I'll probably get a scolding from her hehehe. ND doesn't have a landline, Asha lives in a dorm, Harris is in class and all the others have drifted away from me.

Thank God for Kaka. Thank God for friendships that transcend the boundaries of the web. I texted her about my situation, she offered to talk, but it was comfort enough to know that she was there. Decided to *try* and sleep it off.

Didn't work. Rar. Ended up talking to a few other people, some that I haven't really contacted in months. It was taxing--forced conversations, awkward pauses, strained laughter. In the end, only one conversation mattered: I had to gather my guts and be the first to reach out. Nothing left to lose. A simple message, got a lengthy reply. Turns out he wasn't mad anyway. Sometimes, jumping to conclusions can kill. hehehe.

+++++++

I was overjoyed when I got into the car this afternoon... there was an abundance of Jessica Zafra (my supposed look-alike. ARGGGH.) books... and a heartwarming letter Mikebeltran, my #1 idol at the same time my #1 fan *wahaha*, lent me some books in an effort to spice my dull february up. hehe will return them in March when we go peoplewatching at podium. hehe. yeaaap, we're just that plain shallow hehe.

It's just so nice sometimes. Pleasant surprises like Faith's diana-estelle paperweight (my cousin's gift to me, so cute!), Mike's books-galore and letter, a trinket or two from a friend... it makes you feel so special even admist all the mundaneity (like the INERSLA midterms that I had to take awhile ago plus the gruelling hour of JPRIZAL).

It's also happy to know that friends met on the net don't just remain locked in your PC forever... they're real people, real friends. People like Kaka, Jamm, Harris... and my older friends bespren King, Marco, Tria.. etc.. *sigh* It really is amazing how I'm so much closer to most of you than I am to people I see almost everyday in real life.

For everyone and everything, I am thankful. I am thankful that I'm still happy and alive, I am thankful that I got through my depression scatfree. I am thankful that I have friends like Harris, Kaka, Debs.. I am thankful for such a great family and wonderful cousins.

I am thankful that I am me and no one else, even if sometimes I feel numb (maybe it's just contentment. maybe not. ) and even if sometimes I'm so lazy I just want to kill myself. I feel very very lucky right now. I love you all.

Weird.

I'm using the free internet/computer service of our school, and it just so happens that I'm using it for TABULAS. Only thing is, whenever I click on "Advanced mode" (coz I just looove telling you guys what I'm currently reading and what my current emotion is hehe), I get logged in as a different user... as shadapak! hehe.

RARRRR. We have to save our work na raw coz another class will use this at 2:30. Will rant later, bye!

It's been so long since I've blogged that I don't even know what to blog about. hehehe.

Thanks to everyone who missed me and who've been asking about me. I gather that there are only a few (namely harris...and harris only mwahaha), but it's always a pleasure to know that other people care about the mundane events of your life.

Thanks.

+++

I'm stt-tt-utteri-ng.

Lately I've been having a REALLY hard time communicating my thoughts and ideas. I can't speak in straight english (in person anyway) without adding umms, I can't even find the appropriate words to say, and it takes me so long to actually get the words out. ITS SO ANNOYING, ARGH!!

For the longest time, communication has been my safety net. I might not be good in math, but I can speak in public. I might always be late but at least I have good p.r. I might always be absent but I know I'll pass because I write good essays, and so on and so forth.

GAH!

And now my safety net is temporarily *hopefully* uhm... missing? hehe. see?? I can't even find the appropriate word *grumble, grumble* Blehhh. It will come back. Probably just withdrawal symptoms from debate. =P ... if there is such a thing.

++++++++

VALENTINES DAY. YEY.

hehe. It's over people, and we singles survived *HURRAY!!!* Thanks to Ate Jamm, first of all, for sending me that lovely card all the way from SF. Even if you're far away, even if you've known me far less longer than my friends from here... you KNEW that I'd be lonely that particular day and you cared enough to send me a card. I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You never fail to surprise me and brighten up my day sis... I love you, you are one of God's greatest gifts to me. Thanks. It really did cheer me up, made me feel real loved.

Plus the text message from Harris and my other friends... Plus some sweet messages from Santa. mwahaha. Valentine's day wasn't that lonely after all.

Just spent it couped up at home though, with my mom and two dogs. Showered them with all the love I could muster that day. Mom was sick, so I spent all day with her. Two dogs were rowdy, but I played along. hehehe. We just watched endless vcds and dvds and I read a book in Israel and Palestine. It was fun.

Just realized that I might be using the defense mechanism of Displacement. Particularly because I have no love interest, I've decided to shower my love upon my mom and dogs. But I hope that's not the case. hehe. I just so hope that it is, in fact, in my nature to be sincerely loving. hehehe. Hope, hope hope

Truth is, you won't really know your ulterior motives or your inner drives 100%. The unconscious, rar, is something that you really can't tap. It's a bit annoying but it's a bit challenging as well...

the ultimate puzzle to solve in this life is yourself.

and guess what? I don't think anyone will be able to solve it. Not now, not ever. =P

Such a swing from the Valentine's day fever, but so what? hehe.

Maybe I'm in a third dimension myself Teeheee Im not making sense byeeee! Love you all I might not have a significant other, but at least I have the world hehehehe! SCARRRRY! HAHAHA!

Eyyy mikeeeee! Thanks for re-designing my blog, I love it. It's so bright & cheery, plus it's GREEN! ANIMO!! hehe.

Btw, hi to Philip, my fellow lasallian and tabulas-er. It was nice to meet a fellow online-journalist around campus si Mico kse di pa nagpapakita eh! hehehe. I do believe we've met before right? Nanalo ka ng award diba? yihee! hehe congrats, congrats

+++++

The surprises don't end with my new lay-out (courtesy of mikebeltran, my dear friend)... my tagboard surprised me as well.

Suddenly I have raymonde, ekai, and migi peeking at my journal?? GAHHH! hahaha joke guys. Thanks for dropping by I wonder how you got the link though... mag-tabulas na rin kayo! hehe.

Also, It was a pleasant surprise to find out that Jamm (my beloved "ate" from SF) emerged as Champ in the North Cali division weee. Although I never doubted her capabilities to win (and therefore it didn't surprise me that she won), it still came as news to me (mala-current events ba) precisely because I didn't even know she joined. hehe. I really have to go online more often so we can chat on YM

I have a few surprises up my sleeve, too.
1.) weeeee!!! I passed in the try-outs for the lyceum debates! hehe.
They were only sending 2 teams, and 3 slots were up for grabs. Competed against Victor, Shels, Ice, Raven and Paro and eventually was part of the team that got picked. More than passing the try-outs though, I'm happy that I actually put my pride on the line to try-out. People are telling me I'm getting better, and sometimes it feels so good to hear that... so much so that you don't want to fail anymore. but yeah... failure is a part of growth. Mistakes are needed for learning. This has to be continued. Pride must never become an obstacle, but a hurdle to overcome. I won't let fear stop me. wee.

2.) for the grounders, AMIGO TIMO (yeahhhh the guy from Cali) is back! He just txted me awhile ago... lets plan a rivermaya-gmk okiee?

3.) Splitcide's gig last saturday was GREAT! ... erm, while that isn't really a surprise, I ran out of things to say. hehehe

To wrap up, I really did miss you all I still have 2 papers to make (the same two papers I've been trying to make for the past 2 weeks, hehe) and I have a report to work on, so I guess I have to get my butt moving only 40 minutes more left to cram.

I love you all. I love life. I love my friends. Thanks to harris,mike, ate jamm, nesscueta, ekai, migi, raymonde, ate dane, anna, etc you really did brighten my day

and ness... happy birthday. Labsya!

I have a meeting at 10:30 in lasalle. It's 9:51 already and my driver still isn't here. :/

I sweeear. One of these days, I really have to learn either to drive or to commute. :/

++++++

annoyingly, I typed a journal entry yesterday only to be disconnected before I could even send it. Bummer. Badtrip pa, it couldn't connect afterwards even after 20 tries. Blast it tlga o! hehe. I miss our easynet days, and pldt vibe days. Apparently, either vibe's been down for half a month OR we don't have it anymore. But my tito swears they didn't ask to have it removed. Hrm... puzzler. Hopefully by march everything will get fixed again.

++++++

yesterday's blog was about the band I'm managing, splitcide. Just really, really had to tell everyone that I'm so proud of them. hehe. Went to their practice yesterday, was late only by 20 minutes (pat me on the back, everyone!). Got there and only Keno and Kato were there... both studying. Keno's an accountancy major and Kato's vying for medschool so he's taking up bio. PLUS they're in top colleges (DLSU and Ateneo, 2 others are from UP yeeeh!). Imaaagine? They can keep up the band AND their schoolwork, plus they're not that sloppy with either. They have a social life to boot, too! Astiiig! hehe.

Was proud of myself yesterday, too. Hehe. Normally I wouldn't stay that long in their band practice... I'd just drop by for an hour or so. Usually I wouldn't even go without a friend that I could drag along... 'coz even after almost 2 years of managing the band, I'm still a bit shy around them. hehehe. But I didddd, yey! Stayed there up to 7, which is a good 3 or 4 hours. Spent an hour or so with Keno and Kato at Starbucks, just studying and reading and making small-talk. Still wasn't 100% comfortable, but at least I didn't bolt. I have a tendency to do that when I'm not comfy.

Sounds hard to believe right? hehe. Meeee, Estelle, the friendly, the sociable? Nope, not 100% true.

I can't eat in front of or with guys I'm not close with.

In fact, I can't even hang-out with an all-guy group unless they're from DLSU debsoc (precisely because after spending overnight in Meycuayuan and spending a week or so with each other in Naga-- seeing how messy you were with your stuff and how disheveled you look like early in the morning... you don't care much about how messy you are when eating or how sabog you are when hanging out).

I find it hard to stay long in big parties or in huge social groups. I always have this fear of being left-out.

Blame it on my childhood years as a batch-outcast. Blame it on my total dependency or on my weird patterns of thinking... I just am totally scared. Bleep. I'm not as extroverted as you'd think I am.

So there, I'm proud. Made it to 4 hours with an all-boy group (even though ted was just waiting outside waheehehe)... and was able to read 4 chapters of my debate-assigned book "Seeing through the media" while waiting for the arrival of Vince and Migi.

Nice stuff.

++++++++

Just a funny thing.

My promdate was from Ateneo High School.
My balldate from Lasalle Greenhills (another all-guys highschool).

One's too tall (6'5"), the other... as tall as me. haha. without heels. hehe. Cool 'no?

Guess what?

They're now both in ADMU college... and they're partners for a project.

How cool is that?? hehehe!! Cool, cool, cool. hahaha. I want to take a picture of them together. hehe. what a coincidence.

++++++++

Crushes, crushes, crushesssss got me crushed! hehe.

Santa's officially one of my bestfriends. yep, friends only. hehe. he still calls and texts though, he called the other day just to ask if we can be bestfriends... and ended the call by saying "bye bespren!" hehehe Nice.

So now my eye is rovingggg. wahaha. Pathetic estelle, I know. But its never wrong to like people and admire them... ESPECIALLY if they don't know about it

I like two guys right now. wahaha. Got to spend time with both of them within this week. Not that close yet though, tryin to get to know them a bit more. Bleeeeep. I'm a crush-crazed girl. wahaha. It's okay, i'm not going to turn into stalker-mode again. it just feels nice to have a crush again. La-deeh-dah!

I AM SO LATE FOR MY MEETING!!! TED WHERE ARE YOU?!?!

The great crammer that I am, I decided to put off writing my paper on "The Social Cancer" (a.k.a Noli Me Tangere... layo 'no?) until the last minute (meaning now). Bad thing is, I didn't have the book... and what's worse is I graduated High School without even having finished it, so I don't have the vaguest idea of the differences between Pilosopo Tasyo and Kapitan Tiyago. *sigh*

Thank God for my blast(ed) internet. Searched google, was surprised that my mom changed it into Tagalog (the filipino language) format. Suddenly, "Search" became "Hanapin sa Google". It's amusing really. hehe.

Anyway, as I was saying, thank God for the internet because I found an online version of the whole book. Talk about saving grace. I love the net, I love the net, I love the net.

The wonders of technology never ceases to amaze me.

+++++

While I was going on my way to visit my lolo last Sunday, I chanced upon a revelation. I think I now know what life is about.

It all started when my tito pointed out an old television set to me, trying to explain that before, instead of wires it had tubes, making the picture grainy and black & white.

Made me realize just how little I knew about the world. I watch TV everyday and yet I cant get how those people half-way around the world appear on my screen and on schedule, appearing the same way as it would in my neighborhood's bigscreen tvs.

Doesn't it amaze you that through a plug and some wires, a glass as well maybe... you're seeing people you might never even have known to exist? bleep.

Then it got me to thinking. I dont even know how my car runs, or who lives in the house next door, or how mathematics can actually be applied in real life. Try as I might, I will never be able to understand fully everything that happens in this world. All I can do is be filled with awe and wonder at the beauty of the mystery of life.

Then it hit me. That's what life is all about.

It's all about questions, it's all about uncertainties. It's all about doubts and fears and hopes. It's all about the little things fitting into the big things... about lives interwoven but never really wholly intertwined.

Life is an exploration, an adventure that ends when it eventually ends. There's no closure. There's no answer. Ewan, what I really wanted to say was... Life was built this way to show to us that there really is a greater force, a greater being. He/She may go by the name of Allah, or Buddha, or Jesus, or Estelle (wahaha)... but there's no escaping it... there's someone out there.

How else can you explain the TV set, the radio, the cosmic background radiation and all the planets?

By the way, if you do know how a TV set works, you can try explaining it to me, but I honestly don't know if I'll be listening. hehe. I'm just happy to be this amazed once in a while it's a humbling feeling and I like it.

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learning to abstract, thanks to Eric C! Gotta do my paper now! loveya people!